AUTUMN SOUNDS FOR THE PAINFULLY BONED (YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD JERK DOWN)

I wish I could tell ya I’m back and ready to strut through the doors of the local douche bag distillery with a cane in one hand and a tall boy of Steel Reserve in the next, but shit man, things will NEVER be that bad EVER AGAIN. While not running to this constantly dilapidating craptop to tell you about every hunk of vinyl people send me, I’ve been spending my time wisely…making extra money…shoving beer cans into chickens…watching the second season of ‘Twin Peaks’…shoving more beer cans into chickens (still don’t think I got it quite right)…working on my contribution to the ‘Anywhere, Anyhow’ book…and basically, chillin’…not paying attention to shit that don’t make me money and feeling better than I ever have in years. SO THERE…

I don’t really sit around and stew in my own filth and listen to records the way I used to. I think the only thing I listened to this week over and over again was Colin Blunstone’s ‘One Year’ and that’s about it and I’m pretty satisfied with it. New singles by obvious current favorites have been spinning every once in awhile. Government Warning’s ‘Arrested’ single manages to make the hair on the back of everything stand up listen after listen. Virginia Beach…O.C….what’s the diff? The title track is an anthem and a half. More pills for these kids toot sweet!!! Dry-Rot still makes me wonder with the latest ‘Subordinate’ 7” on Painkiller. A concept record of sorts on the subjects of submission and control with a filthy Void-core backdrop. I wonder what this band would do with a 12” canvas to spread their ideas on…Hmm…I wonder. I like that Uber single on the Professional Retard label too. Spanish duh-core never sounded so sweet. Pity that ODFX single went so quickly, but you didn’t deserve it any way…HA-CHA!!! That’s what you come here for, right? Abuse?

Oh yeah…I forgot…There were a few reasons I decided to swallow my pride and log on to this thing again. Firstly, for those who didn’t get a copy of the Swindle issue with my Detroit Hardcore piece in it, it’s available on line at their website. Here’s a non-fancy link to it –

http://swindlemagazine.com/issue12/detroit-hardcore/

Secondly, Olympia, Washington’s Sex/Vid will be rolling through the east coast and I am ACTUALLY GOING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE TO SEE THEM. Woah. They’re playing in Brooklyn at PassOut Records at 131 Grand Street in Williamsburg this Thursday (the 18th) sometime in the evening. The next day they’re playing in South Boston with Mind Eraser and then I think they’re off to Canada for the F’ed Up hoedown. Here’s unfancy link #2 to get you psyched up –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpFCQqi8VvY

And lastly, I will be playing records at the Destijl/Soft Abuse CMJ showcase this Thursday (the 18th) at the Cake Shop at 152 Ludlow between Stanton and Rivington on the Lower East Side of the Lower East Side Crew 7". Artists performing include Car Commercials, King Darves, Ed Askew and a host of others. Other DJ’s include Mike and Maya Bernstein (Heavy Tapes, Religious Knives, etc.) and Brian Turner (WFMU, ex- guitarist in Skinhead Youth) This shit will be FREE to the public and will start at 2PM. Plenty of time to check this out and boogie over to PassOut to check out Sex/Vid. Perfect…

O.K. That’s it…Back to YouTube for more ‘Peep Show’ and ‘Never Mind The Buzzcocks’.

NO BLOGGIN' 'ROUND HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME...

200LBU will be going on hiatus for a spell, due to something called the real world. Also, to be honest, I'm sorta sick of being the middleman between young innocent types and hipster vampires. As I scramble to sell records on eBay and take bucket after bucket of change down to the CoinStar, me thinks I'm owed some 'finders' fee' by some large indepedent label types. If you're half the gents you say you are, you'll send a grand or so to me via PayPal. If not...well all I can say is thanks for all the horrible promo CD's no record store will buy. Getting to hear promising new talent like the Silver Daggers or another 'totally great' Wooden Wand CD is all worth it.

And here we go again...I mean, does anyone really wanna read this crap over and over again? My bitter bitching has become a literal chore, something to entertain you and keep my finger in your pie. Fuck it. I'm out. Go read one of the blogs mentioned to the right and remember to 'stay relelvent'.

BEFORE SPEEDOS AND WEED, THERE WAS LICORICE PIZZA...

In those wide eyed, innocent days of pud pulling and record collecting, it was always a bright orange blast to find out there was some sorta artifact out there you'd never heard nor seen; a total holy grail (to put it in less wordy words) Back in said time, my pals and I always heard about some Black Flag 7" that wasn't available through the SST catolog and it was simply refered to as the 'Licorice Pizza' 7". The toddler trainspotter in me not only remembered seeing those two words at the bottom of alot of the Black Flag flyers my brothers' friend was sending him from L.A. (i.e. -- 'Tickets available from...') but I also recalled seeing some sign in the background of 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' that had those words printed on it. What can I say? I was a nerd as soon as I stepped outta my mommas' gut. I later found out via a back issue of Flipside or something that Licorice Pizza was a chain store in Southern California and the singles were given away free (Uh...what?) at certain Licorice Pizza locations prior to the 'Damaged' record coming out. That was a total mindblower to me at my age. I remember thinking,'Man, I gotta get myself out to California...they have record stores there that just GIVE AWAY Black Flag records!' Later on in life, I found out the meaning of the word 'promotion' and realized this wasn't some act of punk graciousness, but simply a decent way thought up by Unicorn and SST to drum up interest in an upcoming lp. Nonetheless, I had no idea what was on this record or how to get it, which of course made me want it even more. A little further down the line, I heard somewhere that the majority of these singles were simply THROWN AWAY by the Licorice Pizza franchise when the promotional scheme didn't pan out as planned. I remember thinking 'Man, I gotta get myself out to California...they have record stores out there that just THROW AWAY Black Flag records!' Eventually, someone (TDT maybe?) got a hold of one through a trade with a penpal and to say I was dissapointed would be an understatement. The thing had no picture sleeve and it was just live recordings of 'Life of Pain' and 'Thirsty & Miserable'. Is this what I was waiting so long to behold? Ech... I promptly killed my persuit for the record and moved on to even lamer prospects...

But the other day I ran across a cheap bootleg of the thing and I thought 'What The Hell?' and I gotta say I'm pretty stoked on it in my time of dying. Perhaps it's that the cover has my fave Flag stillshot of all time (The one where Dez-O looks like he's either got a bad rasta cap or a poorly knitted Afro wig on his dome) Perhaps it's that the thing really looks like a labor of love, complete with liner notes, pics of the original record and a BF interview from an old issue of Ripper. Or it could be that these tracks simply shred (If I may use some sixth grade lingo here) The Ginn/Cadena assault is in full force here and although Hank sounds parched, his voice sounds burly as hell. Check the weirdo phrasing on 'Thirsty and Miserable'. At the end of the single, they even chuck on an unearthed studio recording of Dez singing 'Spray Paint (The Walls)' If you ask for more, you're simply an asshole...

There's a certain record store in NYC that's on Thompson St. that has abuncha these things, and as I check out the internetting of my computer I see a website named Punk Utopia (good lord) has some ...

http://www.punkutopia.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Store_Code=P&Screen=PROD&Product_Code=7IN0139

So get this thing and get to skankin'....

For those who don't know, Oaklands' Never Healed performed on my radio show this week and simply KILLED it. Do yourself a favor and check it out on the WFMU archives. Thanks to those dudes and Charles for the board help.

And how the hell did I go about my life without knowing about these two awesome web presences?

http://cooldudequarterly.blogspot.com/

http://shit-fi.com/

Be sure not to burst into flames....

I POSE SO HARD, SOMETIMES I EVEN GET AXED TO MAKE LIMITED EDITION CDR'S -- HARDCORE TRIVIA ANSWERS!
Alright all you harder-than-hard Leslie Keffer fans…here’s the answers to the Hardcore trivia…just in time for AmeriKKKa’s burfday…Mosh it up you retards!



1) Dick & The Balls
2) Roger Dean
3) 18th Century Bulgarian Clog Dancing Hymns
4) Flash and The Pan
5) Short lived BB member Cedric the Entertainer. After lambasting Discharge singer Cal with numerous ‘Yo momma so fat’ jokes, Cal left the stage both disgusted and embarrassed. Apparently, his momma (or ‘mumma’) WAS so fat that the back of her neck DID looked like a package of hot dogs.
6) Disregard
7) The Begging Paupers (Tommy Rat era)
8) Pilsnick McNamara (Studio name -- Burlap Sam)
Susan Faludi (Studio name -- She-Who-You-Would-Not-Wanna-Fuck)
Studds Turkel (Studio name -- Bruce ‘Car Alarm Cock’ Froiderminn)
Gumbo MacKaye (Studio name -- Gumbo MacKaye)
9) John Watson/Jimmy the Russian/Keith CFA/Cedric the Entertainer/Roger Miret
10) ‘Beaver flash in Pennsyltucky’/’It was bald…just like Robo’

STILL CHECKING THE MATRIX AT AGE 34 -- IT'S HARDCORE TRIVIA TIME AGAIN! If you ever gotta hold of the 'print' edition of 200LBU #4, you might know I threw alittle Hardcore trivia on the back cover to seperate the true blue from the name droppers/checkers. I think it really did it's job, 'cause not only did no one send in a complete set of correct answers, but no one even noticed that I more or less ripped off the idea (and some of the questions) right out of Schism Fanzine. I guess it only goes to show you what Sonic Youth said was right, 'You Pose, You Lose'. By the way, if you don't know the band that originally had a song named 'You Pose, You Lose' and really think Sonic Youth came up with that song title on their own, please stop reading now.

Here's a small batch of questions to continue the fun. Feel free to send in your answers and any one who comes close or answers them all will win nothing but maybe my respect and perhaps a vinyl goodie or two. Dig in, pongo....

1) What was the side project of Violent Apathy that did reggae-fied versions of Negative Approach songs?
2) Who was originally supposed to do the cover artwork for the 'Process of Elimination' compilation?
3) On the title cut of their debut LP, SSD sing they will rise above through the strength of what musical style?
4) What band did the bass player of Tampere S.S. join after the bands' break-up?
5) What Bad Brains' member ended a Discharge set in mere minutes of them taking the stage at The Rock Hotel in '85? How did he actually do it?
6) Who did Vile open up for when they played their one and only show?
7) What infamous NYSEHC band shared a member with A.R.E. Weapons?
8) Who was Tesco Vee's backing band for the 'Dutch Hercules' 12"? (Please list both their real and 'studio' names)
9) List all the singers for Agnostic Front
10) How does the matrix read on the 1st pressing of the 1st Adolescents lp?

STAN KENTON HAS THE HARDEST MOSH PARTS

If you’re the type of fancy dude or dudette who constantly sips their soda with your pinky upturned, it’s more than likely you’ve hoid of Houston, Texas’ Susan Alcorn. The woman has played her pedal steel beside such high falootin’ types as Chris Cutler and Pauline Oliveros while harvesting praise from publications way more glossy than this virtual one. The Olde English Spelling Bee label has just released a super deluxe gate folded vinyl beauty of some of her solo pedal steel work entitled ‘And I Await (The Resurrection of the Pedal Steel Guitar)’ and it’s certainly the finest late night record we (me and the couch) have heard all year. Previous recordings I’ve heard of her were in a group setting and although they were pretty exhilarating, I didn’t really get a full grasp on what she was saying with her instrument. Stripped of the previous surroundings, Alcorn takes full advantage of her solitude and produces sounds from her instrument that poke and bubble and sit and breathe with intense pregnancy that can only come from someone who actually knows how to play her instrument. She certainly ain’t no noisenik cooking up a buncha bullshit so she can rub elbows at the next No Fun Fest, that’s for sure. Throughout the whole disc, the roots of the pedal steel that Alcorn has devoured playing in C&W pick-up bands throughout her hometown can be heard poking its’ head through all the (cough…splutter) ‘experimentation’. Has there been a bookend in weird pedal steel records since Red Rhode’s ‘Velvet Hammer In A Cowboy Band’? Can this be it? Cool! I’m glad we can agree on something….Rest assured, next time I drive that snaky stretch of 84 leading into Taos, I’ll have this seeping out of the rental car speakers to lead me directly into the sun that leads to oblivion.

P.S. -- Believe it or not, no drugs were taken in the making of this review.

To get this direct from OESB, contact them at -- obese@gmail.com

Fusetron’s got some copies too -- http://www.fusetronsound.com/

For more info on Susan Alcorn -- http://www.susanalcorn.com/

Also, if you’re in the NYC area tonight, check this out. Should be a happy good time -- http://walden.phpwebhosting.com/~stevek10/

I could write something real biting right now as a closing line and make it out like it's not directed at anyone in particular like I normally do, but I won't. Let's just say the farther I stay away from warehouses fulla trustfund kids being raped by Todd P, older losers dressed as the 'hipster weirdo' on 'Friends', and bands who play 50 times a month, the better...let's just say that. Hmm...maybe I shouldn't of said that. Oh well...

ANYONE WITH A BEER BOTTLE IN THEIR HAND WILL BE FUCKING KILLED ON SIGHT
TONIGHT JUNE 13TH
BLUES CONTROL (Personal friends of Choke on MySpace)
WARMER MILKS (From LeXXXington, Kentucky)
WEIRDING MODULE (Skinhead noise like the old days of The Anthrax)
NONHORSE (Yarn X Edge)
8 PM
Silent Barn 915 Wyckoff Ave, Ridgewood NYC L to Halsey or M to Myrtle/Wyckoff http://myspace.com/thesilentbarn

And for you non-NYC dwelling types (Lucky bastards) check out the Warmer Milks on tour as they put their fucking Straight Edge in your face….
June 14th @ Montague Bookmill in the fucking woods of Massatwoshits with XX MV/EE XX & XCharlambidesX (Matt Valentine = Harder than Mike Judge)
June 15th @ Twisted Village in the home of the Edge with SUNBURNED HAND OF THE MAN
June 16th in Baltimore most likely not with either Law & Order or The Bullocks
June 17th @ Whorehouse Next Door in the false home of the Edge
June 18th @ Twisted Branch in Charolttesville, Virginia with Neddy “Paint Cans” Oldham
June 19th @ Café Bourbon in Columbus (Café Bourbon…what a lame name for a club…how ‘bout Café Edge?)
Those kids will have merch out the ass for you…Hooded tank tops, CDR’s with X’s plastered all over ‘em, etc. Buy them all and stay On Edge….

200LBU TOP 10 As of Right Now…
1)The very existence of Mark Perry
2)’Grandma’s Boy’
3)The Cotton lp looking like a bad sXe record from the early 90’s
4)Violent Minds ‘Eyes of Death’ is out…REPEAT OUT!!!
5)Jim Ford
6)Pecca Records
7)The re-discovery of Quiver
8)Peace & quiet due to the filming of ‘Baby Daddy’ on my block (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried)
9)D.Y.S interview in Forced Exposure #5
10)’What were you expecting? ‘B.J.’

HOW COME I'M STILL CONFUSED? -- AN AFTERNOON LISTEN TO DRY-ROT I'll spare you all some sorta silly piano intro and just say I think Santa Barbara's Dry Rot might be the most intriguing music group in America today. Their first seven song seven inch entitled 'Permission' was released sometime in the summer/fall area of last year and was utterly confusing. The first side consisted of six quick jabs that actually waranted the name checks of Void, Deep Wound and Child Abuse (The band from long ago who released a single on Mutha, not the pee-pee pants noise band from now) The other side was this real long jam that just sounded like a lost meander from 'Daydream Nation'. Was this the same record? Most who I played it to just shook their heads in question, but I was right there with them. I played the record over and over gazing into the lyric sheet that accompanyed the thing. Who are these guys with their bizarro, cryptic doodlings of fat old men barfing in peoples' faces? What kind of person would write lyrics like 'Don't touch me or I'll bite your fingers off!'? Why did they feel it was improtant to know the single was recorded the day after Hitler's 117th birthday? Even though I have touched base with a member or two of the band and I'm still left curious....


Then what comes in the mailbox yesterday but their new two song single on the Deer Healer label. Limited to 300, already long gone in it's one week in the virtual public eye known as the interweb...too bad suckers! This was the first in a long, long time that I was about to throw something on the turntable and not know what to expect. That was a good feeling. The A Side was a jam featuring a cameo by a member of Sublime (on sax) and the singers' dad on bass. It sounded like a very inept/simplistic (take your pick) take on 'The Great Gig In The Sky'. This was far from the world of puking old men drawings and finger biting. I actually listened to it again to make sure I heard it right. I've listened to it a few times since then and I'm still not sure if I did. The B Side was a perfect fit with me right off the bat. A weirder, more Psychedelic slowburner with random organ whirls poking in and out. The jam eventually erupts into a total freak-out throb that would scare the pants off anyone...even you over there with the turtleneck sweater and the leggings. To think what they might come up with on their next single (To be released on Painkiller) is making me hafta squegee my thoroughly handsome bald head every ten minutes. They'll be around the east coast in August to play, so hopefully I'll see ya there. Look out for me...I'll be the thoroughly ugly guy with the thoroughly handsome bald head.

I'm pretty sure Painkiller still has copies of the first single for sale. They might get a few copies of the new one in a few weeks...who knows? Check it out--

http://www.painkillerrecords.com/

WHO ME? ...I'M JUST GETTIN' MELLOW WITH MY MERKIN TO THIS COTTON CASSETTE... A few weeks back, the kids behind the Bone Tooth Horn cassette label gave me a big yellow sack fulla tapes they put out. All of it was truly twisted and I was more than happy they were kind enough to fork it along. But there was one tape in that bag that just didn’t jive with the rest of the mix. Where as the bulk of the tapes had me wandering in a tinned out basement full of sharp friendly objects, there was one outta the pack simply entitled ‘Cotton’ that made me think of that big ole house we used to have over on Nichol Ave. in Brunfess around ‘96. That was the house I self taught myself a musical history that was very abnormal for a kid who was jumping on kids heads just a few years before that. Sides by the likes of Mighty Baby, Little Feat, McKay, Help Yourself, Laramie, Quiver, The Sutherland Brothers, Cochise, Formerly Fat Harry, Gary Higgins, Poco, Brinsley Schwarz, Red Television and many other mellow beardos spun as I smoked more and more grass and wished I had a denim couch. What clicked between me and those easy sounds I cannot put my finger on even to this day. All I know is it sounded right at the time (still does I guess) and it pissed the shit out of every member of Lifetime who’d come over to buy pot…so it must have had SOMETHING going for it… Rest assured, if I had any jams by this mystery band who called themselves Cotton back then, they would have been rocked for sure.

After abit more digging, I found out Cotton were a unit out of Fayetteville, Arkansas in the late seventies. Much like the fore mentioned McKay, they were stuck in the middle of America with a love for the laid back Laurel Canyon sound, but luckily held limited resources to recreate those overblown affairs. Much like the limeys who fell in love with the same sounds, Cottons’ melodious ways come off both subtle and skewed. As a matter of fact, the vibe on a lot of this reminds me of that unreleased Help Yourself album from ’73 that was eventually…uh…released on CD by Hux a few years back. Here’s to Kevin at Bone Tooth Horn for getting this out to the masses and here’s to anyone who can score me a copy of this actual LP. Could it be you? Could it? For more info on Cotton, check this out --http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=473333

Huh…just took a look at the BTH site and it sez this particular title is sold out, but I’m sure if you beg nicely, something could be done... Get in touch here -- http://www.geocities.com/bonetoothhorn/

Until then, all I gotta say is bar….bar…bar…barba…barbeque!

YEAH...PRETTY MUCH WHAT THAT GUY SAID...

A SOUNDTRACK WHILE YOU PERFECT YOUR KEGSTAND FOR NO FUN... Let it be known Highland Park, New Jersey's (and future DeStijl recording artist) King Darves will be showing up on my radio show tonight/this morning to strum and spin. Shit airs 2 am to 6 am est at www.wfmu.org. For those with jobs and lives, the show will be archived for future pleasure. Enjoy...

Also, I guess I should also let it be known I'll be DJing the opening night of No Fun Fest tomorrow. What I'll play...I really don't know, but I'm sure it'll be shitty. Come up and say 'Hi'. I might be in a good mood depending on what kinda candy you got. If you gotta Take 5 bar, I'm all yours...

I BLAME SOCIETY AND BANDS LIKE FEATHERS FOR MY ACTIONS...PLEASE ARREST BOTH
Jesus Christ…the amount of seven inches I’ve accumulated in the past year is sorta puzzling. I don’t think I’ve been this single crazy since my short pants daze. I won’t get into my usual tail chasing of trying to figure out ‘why’, I’ll just talk about them and you can buy them if you want. What can I say? I’m a great guy. Buy me a drink next time you see me.


ImperialiSt Pigs are a unit I feel pretty stupid not knowing anything about up until now. Containing a pre-Poison Idea Tom Roberts (A.K.A. Pig Champion), they existed in Portland in the very early 80’s way before ole Piggy would start making late night phone calls to The Fix’s Steve Miller. This single of recently unearthed recordings of the band entitled ‘Corkscrew Porksword’ is real fucking intriguing. Obviously some of the early L.A. proto-core singles were making their way down the pike to Oregon at the time, ‘cause you could pretty much tag this as some lost ‘Bloodstains’ gem if you were blindfolded and force fed carpet samples. To make the situation even more confusing, it seems this has been released on the recently re-erected (duh) Fatal Erection label, home of all the early P.I. sides. Huh… By the by, lyrics about molesting children and sperm facials noted and accounted for.



The beardos over at the Black Velvet Fuckere label just dropped this pretty boss single by The Touched. The details on who exactly these jokers are is pretty slim, but taken at face value, it’s a pretty potent glob of warped garage rock. The vocalist has a cool non-Biafra warble to his delivery and the whole thing sounds like it was recorded at the bottom of a flooded well. One of the guys in the band is grabbing his crotch on the cover and I find that very endearing for some reason at the present moment. So heed this recommendation before my mood dips back into asshole mode…


One of my favorites outta all these little records I’ve done gotten lately has been this eight songer from Albany, New York’s Acid Reflux. This record is yet more proof that ’retro’ is nothing more than a five letter word made up by assholes who’d rather sniff each others’ butts than remove their brains outta their bread bin. Trust me, I’m the last motherfucker who wants to relive the days of ‘goof core’ (If you had to sit through Adrenalin O.D. as much I did, you’d feel the same way) but for some reason, the combination of this units’ blinding thrash and completely retarded lyrics has made me more than happy to be alive the past few days. Songs like ‘Do Your Parents Know You’re A Ramone?’ and ‘Oh Good, There’s An Applebees’ make me wanna throw my head outta my bedroom window and feel the whiz of stray bullets around my head more so than any Frederic Rzewski or Miller Anderson record I’ve played today (Nothing against either gent, of course) Hey, the same crap that was happening THEN is happening NOW, so why not party and scream in the abstract face of total shitdom? Right? Darn tootin’ you know I’m right. Where was I again? Oh yeah…put down that phony fucking hippy bullshit record and buy this from the totally estimable No Way imprint.


I got another single from Cleveland’s Midnight. There’s some sorta big story around them I’m sure. I know they have some connections with Boulder or some sorta horseshit. All I know is this new single of theirs “Midnight Slay The Spits’ is a record I like to play nice and loud like when the neighborhood kids are outside playing with stolen wheelchairs and weapons. The opening track, ‘Nuclear Bomb’, is like some unholy hybrid of the first few singles on both the No Future and Rip Off labels. The rest of the tracks are no slouches themselves, but that one…whew, it’s both a scorcher and a keeper. Stupidly limited with a total cheapo cover, this is the kinda stuff that gives me the hope I need to put on matching socks in the morning.

Like a complete Growing fan (i.e. -- a faggot) I totally missed Italy’s Out With A Bang when they bombarded our country with B.O. and drugs a month back. What can I say? I was too busy mellowing out in the hills of Taos while they installed the hot tub in my crystal mansion, O.K.? Luckily I scored a copy of the e.p. they released to coincide with the tour with the oh-so-endearing title ’Few Beers Left, But Out of Drugs’. This record ups the ante of the previous release in a no-nose holes-barred barrage of frenzied Punkin’ with the brains removed (of course). You remember those reviews Pushead used to write in the old issues of MRR? Well, obviously I do too… Would these guys be offended if I said they reminded me of those first two Yah Mos singles? The Yah Mos? Where the hell did that come from? How do I remember them? Yeez, these seven inches are worse than seeing an old girlfriend…Drudging up memories (maybe) best left in the crawlspaces of the brain. Anywhos…


California’s Shoot It Up are always having their name bandied about by the hip young Punker kids I invite over for candy and drugs, but I was too busy trying to play them my King Crimson live CD’s to really pay that much attention. This new six song e.p. of theirs really makes me feel like a stupe for not paying attention sooner. Yeah, yeah, yeah…those same three chords will always sound ’timeless’ when recorded into a tape recorder with some guy squealing over it, but the fact these guys have the nerve to release this on vinyl is enough reason to fly over there and give ‘em all syringes fulla boat cleaner free of charge. This goes beyond the realm of obnoxious punk into something that both pleases and frightens me at the same time. The day someone with the name of Oscillating Gizzards or whatever can do the same, I’ll eat a fat free smoothie.

You can acquire most of this shizz from the kids at No Way, Check ’em out here --
http://www.nowayrecords.com/

Now let me die in peace…

UNLIKE BILLY RUBIN, I'D RATHER DO WHAT YOU TOTALLY EXPECT...

Straight up, the post office in my 'hood sucks dog dick for nickles. The other day I came home from work to find a parcel of compact discs shoved through the tiny mail slot with no fucking regard that there might be something of actual worth in there. Most of the time though, there ain't nothing of actual worth in those puffy envelopes, so I don't mind. Just more crappy promo CD's from major indies of shit I wouldn't play in the earhole of the nearest dead relative. But this padded manila held the newest jam from Allentown, Pa's Air Conditioning, something I actually wanted to take time out of my Henry Cow appreciation time to listen to. Luckily, the actual disc (entitled 'Dead Rails' and released on the Load label) and it's guts were left unscathed by the mailman's meanie paws and I gotta chance to preview the shit. The cover comes off like an homage to 'The Land Of Rape & Honey' and I got no qualms with that. Memories of roaring up the Pennsylvania turnpike blasting 'Stigmata' have been suppressed far too long! The rest of the booklet is stuffed fulla pitchers of burning homes and other such suburban vacancies that provide a very wise window into the world that surrounds the boys and visa versa. What does it actually sound like you axe me? Well, first off, FUCK YOU...don't speak to me that way. I'm a grown man and I deserve respect. But anyways...I'd say it sounds like A.C. are gonna hafta finally accept their unwanted crown as the finest heavy Psych band in our country...maybe the world? Opening track, 'Where To Litter/Trash Burning' is kinda what I expected from that Bad Trips record, but didn't get. Loud sounds roaring to be released from a tight, smokey space. Is this what it would of sounded like if Monoshock had heard Breakdown? Hmm... For some fucking reason, the vocal ranting of Robert Jurgensen poking through the din on 'Conclusions/Concussions' reminds me of lady Crass rantings ala 'Shaved Women'...Much like the Ministry memory mentioned above, nothing to be ashamed of. A quick moment of head slung atmospherics entitled 'I Run Low' acts as a breather and a bridge to the disc closing 'Accept Your Paralysis/Cephalexin', another chunker that makes my too-much-time brain swim in reams of unpublished/unpublishable/unformed thoughts on the subject of '74 era Hawkwind winding up at CB's in '88 on a Sunday afternoon. Yeesh...what a thought! Yeah, so most things these days that are described as being noisy/slow/sludgy/etc. make me wanna produce something noisy/slow/sludgy into the nearest commode. This does not... Hopefully that statement means something to you. If it does, great. If it don't, whatever. Nonetheless, I will be eating tuna noodle in five minutes and you won't.

Most Load titles are available through your local hip record shop, but if you feel the need to load (heh heh) Ben's pockets on a one on one basis, go to -- http://www.loadrecords.com/bands/airconditioning.html

Until then...bleech....

HEY! RECORD THIEF! THESE GUYS JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU...I SWEAR... A large chunk of my record collection was stolen while in storage. Anyone who knows the whereabouts of these records and/or wanna break the kneecaps of the thief and/or would like to donate these records to 'the cause' (ha ho) please get in touch --


Six Organs of Admittance - 1st lp/Hackamore Brick - ‘One Kiss Leads To Another’ lp/Human Instinct boxset/Billy TKs’ Powerhouse lp/Dreamies lp/Negative Approach - ‘Live Your Life For You’ bootleg lp/Edgar Broughton Band - all lp’s/Yod 13 CD boxset/Sonny Sharrock - ‘Black Woman’ lp/David Ackles - 1st lp/Sapphire-lp on Sound At One/NNCK - ‘Live at Kens Electric Lake’ 2lp/NNCK - ‘The Clearing’ 7”/1st K Salvatore lp/Bridget St. John - ‘Ask Me No Questions’ lp…


…There’s probably tons more, but these are the few I noticed missing right away…Maybe it’s for the best…I just would of sold them anyway. At the present time, most music sickens my stomach if it isn’t The Sandpipers or Antioch Arrow. As it gets warmer outside, more assholes are outside my window stabbing one another for soda money and doing retarded dances. I grow disgustingly bitter and wanna get out of the city. Happy Spring!

GOT SLUDGE IF YOU WANT IT...BUT IT COMES WITH A COSMIC PRICE Years from now, when Matador will be known as the AmRep for the late double o's and Matt Kosloffs' pubic hair will be auctioned off at Sotherbys', there will be kids digging through piles of chest hair and gravy lookin' for obscure artifacts from this time in weirdo history. There will be plenty of CDR's, 7"s, etc. filled to the gills with poser shit, but I'm supposing there will be some stuff worthy of the dig. One such dinner plate will be this Snake Apartment 12" just released on the Parts Unknown imprint. Rhode Islands' Snake Apartment seem to fit snugly in with your Urinated-On Trousers...your Cockcleaners...your Helmodummies, etc. but what they got that those dudes don't is two peg legs both rooted firmly in those shitty 80's and those even shittier 90's. Sure, these guys know the second side of 'My War' like the back of their schlong, that's a rather obvious (and very beautiful) thang. But the opening track on this disc, 'Paint The Walls', was a hard flashback to fifteen years ago on those first couple of listens. I shut my eyes and sprang back to Tad yelling at kids in my hometown to stagedive. Was this good? Do I even own a Tad record anymore? After awhile, these self Stalinized thoughts became decent memories and made me think, 'Shit, maybe I should get those Vertigo records outta hock?' Is it time for a re-think on Helmet? I guess anythings better than staring at the walls... Nonetheless, the dudes evenly worship the sludgy riffage of Ginn and the Sub Plopped 90's headshaker sound with equal aplomb and pretty gnarly results. Maybe I'll even knock the remote off my paunchy gut and see these guys if they're stupid enough to wanna play New York. Hot damn! So...if you consider yourself 'Mr. Vegas', send twelve bones to fatrich1@yahoo.com and lemme know what you think...Like I give a shit...

There will be a slight decline in posting here for a week or so. Shithead ghetto youth and banker asswipes have caused me to need extreme therapy in the form of hot rock massages and breakfasts at the Frontier. Hopefully you can get along on your own.

COLUMBUS OHIOS' VEGETATIVE STATE HAVE BEEN WATCHIN' YOU THROUGH THE WIND-UH!

Above -- Vegetative States' spiritual leader receives a happy ending from hot gook gash.

Since those culture vultures over at the Bull Tongue have hepped themselves to Clevelands’ Homostupids, the collective we had to find some new young Midwestern Punker necks to sink our tender fangs into. After much perusing of countless distro websites, we settled on this three song single by Columbus’ Vegetative State. What made us settle on them you axe? Well, the cover seemed to be a homage to Don Knotts, a sure sign of quality. I just figured, anyone willing to be so blatantly retarded in the graphics department has to have something going on in their musical pants. And as usual, I was right. Reports tell me the cats behind these tunes are of the young and drunken variety and it certainly shows. The two tracks that make up the first side have an inept quality to them that sounds like an early live tape of the Germs or that first Court Martial single played by mentally challenged walruses. The flipside of this single was the thing that made me really sit up and take notice though. It’s this long winded Psychedelic Punk mistake entitled ’Laguna Beach Rules’. It sorta lumbers on for awhile in a weird fumbling fog until the guitarist busts out this solo that sounds like it’s straight off of ’Kings of Oblivion’ or something. Is all this blundering a pose? How can you sound like you failed a tryout for Maniax one minute and then mimic Larry Wallis the next? The record is just this huge, hanging question mark for me. A total mystery item. A total mystery item with a MySpace page…. Oh brother! You can order this sucker for four clams here --
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=21529336

Now someone get me a flea bath...quick...

C'MON IN EVERYBODY! AN EARLY MID-LIFE CRISIS FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE!!! A few weeks ago, a buddy and I drove down to Philly to see an honest-to-goodness real life Hardcore show in the year 2007. The line-up couldn't be beat I thought. Canada's Fucked Up, the recently resurrected Philly Hardcore legends YDI and Virginia's Government Warning. As the days grew closer, the shittier my work situation became and my contempt for the adult rat race grew. I counted the hours until we left on this trip and wondered in my head if I would actually clock some kid in the pit while Fucked Up busted out that 'Police' jam. I had a checklist in my noggin of all the new fangeled Hardcore platters I would pick up at the show. Yes, I agree it was sad, but it was helping not clock a client in the mouth, so I stuck with it. One night when I was walking home from work, I thought how much I needed something like Hardcore now more than I ever did when I was a kid. All I had then was an implanted hatred of the norm. Now I have bills, a crap job, an honest fear of everything and no hair. What do I have to go off to in my current situation? Tell me!

The ride down was great. Good jams and kindly fat asses serving fried chicken. After a few beers, we walked down to the hall where the show was going on. 'Y'all think it's Woodstock down here?!?' axed a street urchin to a group of fresh-faced Hardcore kids. Ah, guff from the local color. Perhaps Punk Rock hasn't changed that much... Government Warning was already rollin' when we got in. Within seconds, as corny as it sounds, everything felt real. I'm not saying I had some post-revelatory moment. I'm just saying the energy felt pure. Government Warning were tight shit with a drummer that's a phenomenal spiritual son to Lucky. Kids knew all the words and good dives were done (Feet first...nice touch!) While I was watching them, I flashed back to Flipside videos of Stalag 13 and Adolescents. So far, so good. I'm usually pretty opposed to seeing reunited Punker bands, but I felt the need to see YDI as I found them to be an open-ended case in my life. My brother had their 'A Place In The Sun' 7" and that record really intrigued me. When I finally got to see them as a tot (Opening for Samhain maybe?) there was not a flannel shirt or bald head in sight. Elbow length leopard skin gloves and frizzed out hair is what I got. I just caught on to all this aggro face to face and everybody was going metal or wimping out. I was bummed. Their singer Jackal came to the stage tonight in an old ass Upstarts shirt and leather pants. He said it was nice to be playing in front of some 'young guys' rather than 'old farts in bars'. He seemed happy. I mean, as happy as you can look singing songs like 'I Killed My Family' or 'Mad At The World'. There was certainly nothing offensive about it. They was no pandering or posing. Why should I suspect that in the first place? Is there really anything they should expect to gain? These are the thoughts I wrangled with as I kept gazing at Jackyls' Upstarts shirt and thinking 'If he takes that thing off, I'm grabbin' it and running off to Mexico'. A few old faces were caught up to (If you told me I'd be in a room with the likes of Robby Redcheeks in my 30's, I'd think you're on the pipe) and I went to swill more beer during the wait for Fucked Up. I guess in the interim of guzzling brews and shooting shit, someone let off a fire extinguisher in the hall. The whole crowd was more or less standing outside the hall covering their faces. Again, more proof Punk Rock never changes. Once the hall was cleared, Fucked Up started out with 'Police' and my compadre said 'Shouldn't you be killing someone right now?' But I didn't. C'mon, the idea of a grown man beating the hell out of some kid in a sleeveless Japanese HC shirt sounds funny at first, but in reality it's sadder than sad. So I just stood to the side and pushed back kids that barrelled into me. One guy seemed like he was doing it on purpose, which in my pittin' days, was an extreme no-no. I pushed him by the neck while holding either end with my pointing finger and thumb. It was then some large kid with a shaved head said in my ear 'Yo, you can't be doing that shit!'. I rasied my brow and squinted at the kid. It was then I knew I couldn't go home*. Madonna's 'This Used To My Playground' played in my head and I sulked to the back. Why was I someplace where some kid is telling me what I can't or can do? Why did I push this kid by the neck? Fucked Up played for awhile with numerous technical difficulties which sorta was bringing me down more. But overall, I'd say the evening was a success. Much records were bought and much sweet beautiful drunk talk was made over Black Flag and Judge. But will I go to another HC show again? I'd say 'yes'. The lofts of Brooklyn are filled with bands I've seen over and over again. Even if I've never seen them, I feel I have. Some might say the idea of HC in this time and age is kinda weird. I think so too and that's why I wanna dig into it. The sight of the guitarist of Government Warning in a Chronic Sick shirt was mindblowing to me. This thing has legs and gotten to the point where the kids started dictating the history. It needs further investigation. So excuse me if I misplace that Birds of Delay review somewhere, I'm listening to 86 Mentality.

WHO BE THE KING? Pictured above -- King Darves performs after getting over what looks like a bad case of V.D.


A few months ago, I went off on some major props fest here regarding all those crazy kids in the New Brunswick/Highland Park area of New Jersey and their crazy ways. Most of them I knew in the CDR/cassette format and I done seen a few with my own peepers to know they were legit, but the one that was still cloaked in a cheesecloth of mystery to me was this guy from down there who went by the name of King Darves. I saw a few of his tape releases lying around at a relatives' apartment, but I was too busy at that particular moment gettin' lifted and listening to all the newest blippity bloop 12"s' to give it a listen. So friggin' finally I get a hold of a CDR he did with the title 'The Sun Splits For...The Blind Swimmer' a few nights ago and I gotta say I'm as bowled over by this as I've been by all that shizz from the same area rug. For some reason, I figured he was either doing some sorta big boned noise thing ala the thing he does with Mr. 2673 named Asps, or a lame 'New Weird' knock-off. So I was rather shocked and pleased when the prettiest sound with a deep, rich voice came out of the headphones that made me tap my toes and nod my head like a little goil. Now, I get the feeling you're gonna take one look at the photo of KD pictured above and think 'Oh boy! Another guy with a beard and an acoustic guitar, where's my ax?' But it ain't like that I tell ya! The bedrock of this' mans' conncoction is certainly folk based, but he ain't wearin' no headband and singing of pixies. This is somewhere between rollie cigs and the foggy vision of Big Pink from somewhere on Jersey Avenue or maybe a one-manned Meat Puppets. And this kid can really cobble something together in his kitchen sink. I haven't been this dizzy for a one-manned (genuine) musical matter since last years' Colossal Yes disc, which is really saying something if you've ever been around me when I'm in my 'Drunk and boring you with shit you don't care about' mood. But where Mr. Yes wants to be Elton John fed through Kendra Smiths' kidneys, Mr. Darves wants to be Dick Curless fed through a Rutgers' students' bowels (Right after the Tuesday night veal loaf) You get my drift? Enough gay ass word play...Get with this kid at his MySpace thingy and tell him to make more and feed them to a public too fat on Wooden Wand as well as his vanishing shlong...

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=32085219

Other good shit that might get talked about when I'm not so bloated on garlic...

Various Artists -- 'No Bullshit Volume 2' 7" (No Way)
Mala -- 'Bury Da Bwoy'/'Hunter' 12" (DMZ)
Government Warning -- 'No Moderation' 12" (Feral Ward)
Vegetative State -- 7" (Death by Noise)
D. Charles Speer -- 7" (Sound @ One)
Koro -- 'Speed Kills' 12" (Sorry State)
Order -- 'Kickball' 7" (?)
Emeralds -- 'Dirt Weed Diaries Vol. One' CDR (Maim & Disfigure)

I GET ME MEDICIDE FROM THE NATIONAL ELF...

The inner debate still rages on with me about the amount of records I order these days from labels with such names as No Way and Painkiller. Is this a mid-life crisis or just a rethink of roots? Hmm... One thing's for sure, no matter how many spins I give that Wasted Time 7", I still got plenty of couch and grass time for anything revolving around the London based Morphogenesis troupe. The subtle creep and sweep of their ways has made many a late night seem like a pit of lush silver to me and that 'Stromatolites' jam from the late 90's still sounds pretty keen-o. Morphogenesis' Adam Bohman (pictured above) did up a solo joint sometime in '99 or 2000 entitled 'Music and Words' that I thought was a real crack-up. Lots of bed springs scraping and whatnot while Adam kept turning the handheld tape recorder on and off to tell you what he had for Boxing Day dinner at the folks' house and other such important facts. Repeated listenings to the disc proves the fact that the more mundane an object is, the more fascinating it becomes. So when I found out that another solo thing of Bohmans' had just come out on the Paradigm label (a racket owned and operated by fellow Morphogenesis member Clive Graham) entitled 'Bunhill Row', I snapped the sucker up real quick like at a local spooge shack and ran like hell back home to bust out the sweet green and lissen to it. When I got home and started to check out the cover, I gots alittle confused. The amount of song titles on the back rivaled the first D.R.I. LP or any Inca Eyeball release for that matter. Nothing went over the three minute mark. Something was fishy. Are these....like...ACTUAL SONGS?!?! Turns out the LP is a collection of bedroom recordings done by Bohman in the early 80's when everybodys' head in London was fulla demented homespun dreams. The gush of short, playful and downright juvenile improvised songs this LP shoots off is a real groin scratcher. Is this really a member of Morphogenesis? Not to stereotype, but I'd figure a member of this band in his late teens/early twenties would be practicing puffing on a pipe and saying 'Rather', not creating skewed pop tunes about old women and their vibrator collections. If you're a sucker for anything British, primitive and catchy, you need this like a Israeli rock star needs a cigarette in the eye and a good shove. If this came out at the time it was recorded, you know Chuck Warner would be re-issuing it and some hipster doofus would be trotting Adam around NYC introducing him like he was his new pornstar girlfriend. For now, it sits in the distinguished company of other forgotten artists re-discovered by Paradigm, like Brast Burn and Daphne Oram, which ain't no nothin' to sneeze at. Done up in a numbered edition of 500 and the whole bit...go grab it before those Paradigm snewts find out some Cro-Mags fan told you about it...

http://www.fusetronsound.com/label.php?whomart=BOHMAN,ADAM

WHAT'S ITALIAN FOR 'DUH'?
I know to all the youngsters who still scour the pages of Maximum Rock 'N' Roll, Italy's Out With A Bang are old, old hat. So all you P.Y.T.s' out there can go back to downloading Swedish Hardcore demos and Swedish Hardcore Porn while I provide my service here to those (kinda) oldsters who are in a rut with their record buying and need some numbskull Punk Rock in their lives. I mean, you know more noise records are just gonna make you feel crappier about your lot in life. Are you buying these records for further listening pleasure or just to have a bunch of squares to line your shelves so's you can keep up with the jerk off Joneses? You could start really getting into collecting Black Metal I guess, but if you're gonna do that, why not just move to Williamsburg and buy a poodle? Don't get me started on all the cookie cutter floppy hatted juanny-come-latelys on the new weird circuit. I am a firm believer that the world will not return to being a garden of light until Vetiver die a slow, painful death right in front of my eyes. So I say the only way to get out of this rut on both a personal and spiritual level is to buy more records with song titles such as 'Do What My Cock Says' and 'Hurt Yourself'. Only then will you feel better about yourself and the world around you.

So, Out With A Bang released this one sided 12" on their own last year entitled 'I'm Against It' that set the Punker underground on it's ear with a ton of buzz. By the time I caught wind of it (wudda stench) the thing was long gone, snapped up by the whipper snappers on their skateboards and unicycles. Good for me that those repellent little bastards at the Fashionable Idiots label out there in Minnesota did up a domestic re-do of the thing, this time on a two sided seven inch. The grainy ass picture on the lyric sheet of this thing makes these guys look like Killroy ('member them?) or Circle of Shit, a real bunch of dirtbags full of leather, bristles, studs and booze. But their jams ain't real limey influenced at all. As I spin the disc more and more, all I can think of is a looser limbed Adolescents recorded in a friggin' toilet, which is a pretty sweet thought I think you'll agree. I know my rather lazy description of this disc doesn't really make it sound anymore unique than a million other Punker records out there, but it really holds something special in it's determined retardation. Since I've gotten hold of it, I have a spring in my step and a flutter in my heart. Turns out I just caught that peanut butter salmonella...

O.W.A.B. are coming to America in a few months, so go crush up your sisters' diet pills into a snortable form for them NOW. Go to the Fashionable Idiots website and mark the days until they come to your town. I guess you should order the seven inch while you're there too. I mean...if you wanna...

http://www.fashionableidiots.com/

BLITZ BUMMER ...Sorta ironic that my last post had some veiled reference to a Blitz lyric, as I have just found out that Nidge, founder of said band has recently passed. Turns out he was taking some scab laden line-up of his band across the U.S. when he was struck by a vehicle somewhere in Texas and died instantly. The fact the guy was hauling around America in the late '00's is strange enough. For his life to end on some barren strip of highway so far from his home is even stranger. He most likely was wearing some sorta lame ass Punk get-up when he died too. It's something straight out of 'Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains'. All they would of needed was The Magik Markers as their opening band and it would be perfect. Nonetheless, I know the dude's passing might mean nothing to your smarty pants self. To be honest, it really doesn't mean that much to me, except that the dude's music set me on fire as a kid. Still does. All I have to hear is those opening rings of 'Someones' Gonna Die' and that's it. It's on. I know, not as cool as saying some obscure Pysch jam inspired me to be a total asshole, but I'm tryin'...I really am.

THE RECORD IS STILL BROKEN AND I STILL DON'T CARE (JUST LIKE THE KIDS ON THE STREET) Above -- Me showin' off my new tat. Wait'll ya see my Skullhead back piece. You'll shit five ways 'til Sunday!


Alotta the bigwigs out there in the chronic cocktail party they call 'the scene' keep axin' me 'Where's the updates? Where's the info? What's your opinion on the latest vacuum cleaner noises put onto a disc so's some grown man or woman doesn't have to go out and get a real job?' Believe it or not, I try to be diplomatic with these gentle souls when I tell them (in the nicest way possible) I could really give a shit about most of the crap they ask me about. At this point in the game, I feel no need to listen to anything that's going on in this cock licking competition for people who (I guess) missed out on being popular in High School. It all makes me ill. We all know you liked Indie Rock in High School, so please remove that brand new obscure early 80's Foreign HC shirt at once. Where did you buy that shit? Hot Topic? You are aware you're an adult, right? Jeeze. It all reminds me of that Lester Bangs quote from the year before he died that went something like 'Wanting to listen to Hank Williams or The Velvet Underground over The Go-Go's or Squeeze isn't a matter of nostalgia for me, it's just a matter of good taste'. I hear the man on that one. Why the fuck would I want to familarize myself with the latest hollow whack-off from Matthew Bower or John Olson when I could listen to The Byrds or Cressida or Grand Funk or (even better) complete utter silence. Besides the hordes who try to be something that they're not, the other thing that really makes me sick are older people who say it's 'important' to 'keep up' with what's going on. They sniff around whatever The Wire deems 'relevent' and ask what DubStep twelves are 'essential'. It's like fucking corpses fighting off the maggots. They think if they actually sit back and enjoy something for a moment that they'll fade away into the wallpaper of life. Shit man...that's what I dream for! When I'm 50 years old, the last thing I want to be doing is hanging out with the 2023 equivilent of Lambsbread or Loefah or whatever. I hope I have enough sense by then to be either retired or dead. Here's to hopin'...

BITTER OLD MAN PLAYLIST

Step Forward - '10 Song e.p' 7" (Painkiller)
Homostupids - 'The Intern LP' CD (Parts Unknown)
Al Stewart - 'Orange' lp (CBS)
Richard Lerman - 'Music of Richard Lerman 1964-97 ' 2 CD (EM)
Tony Hazzard - 'Tony Hazzard Sings Tony Hazzard' CD (Rev-Ola)
Eric Matthews - 'It's Heavy In Here' CD (Sub Pop)
Catherine Howe - 'What a Beautiful Place' CD (Numero Group)
The Ray Pacino Ensemble - 'Be My Lonely Night' tape (LalLalLal)
Bob Dylan - 'Modern Times' CD (CBS)
Dry Rot - 'Permission' 7" (Cold Vomit)

CRUCIAL CACOPHONY AT THE CRUCIAL CAKE SHOP COCKSUCKER! TOMMOROW @ CAKE SHOP 152 LUDLOW ON THE LOWER EAST SIDE IN NYC AT 8PM FOR 7 DOLLARS...MAGIK MARKERS/HOMOSTUPIDS/BLUES CONTROL/RICHARD AND JON (Or as I like to call them 'EXCITINGS!' get it?) PLUS DJ SETS FROM BRIAN TURNER AND TONYA RIOTMAN. SHAVE OFF YOUR BEARD, GRAB YOUR GENNIES AND MOSH!!

GET YOUR KAFTAN, BITCH...WE'RE GOING FOR A RIDE...
Awhile back there in the '01, I went on about the Babe in the pages of Fuzzola's Blastitude in a painfully sucky manner. There were some facts and words, but that's about it. I don't really think I nailed down how much this early 70's UK bands' music means to me, especially their second and final record, 'A Jug Of Love'. Their self titled debut from '69 was an amazing blend of California dreaming and English mysticism, a totally essential listen for anyone who enjoys lit windows and brown shag carpeting. Their second record from '71 pretty much saw them chuck all the limey vibes out the french windows and go full bore ahead with their interpetation of the American dream. The whole thing that continiously lures me back to records cut by these English bands from the early 70's is how well they beat the American pioneers of this music in mish-mashing styles. Quicksilver, The Band, The Byrds and Poco were all the same to them in some polarized vision, so out spat some truly mesmerizing and strange records. There's equal measures worship of both Richard Manuel (Just listen to 'Virgin Spring' for dick's sake) and the faux dirt cowboys from the hills. Why MB guitarist Martin Stone (also having served time in Savoy Brown, The Pink Fairies, Chilli Willi and The Red Hot Peppers, etc.) doesn't have a bronze statue in my living room, I really don't know. Anywhos, the people at the Sunbeam label did up a real nice thick vinyl re-ish of 'Jug of Love'. Go buy a garbage bag full of oregano and enjoy this disc in a proper fashion. http://www.forcedexposure.com/artists/mighty.baby.html

MACRONYMPHA CAN SUCK IT!

Not one douchebag in a brand new Negative Approach shirt in sight...perfect. I wish I had a time machine to take every No Fun attendee who thinks seeing a bunch of guys dry hump one another and throw garbage cans around is a 'radical' statement and dump them off at CB's in '88. Oh what fun that would be! Communale sighting in this video noted and accounted for..

THE BOSS JIM GETTYS ARE DEAD...LONG LIVE THE PLUM STREET SPOT... What kinda 'authority' am I to talk about all these new and exciting true-to-life disorienting sounds the kids are kickin' out these days? I sit here in this dustbin of an apartment jamming 'Bella Donna' and Soulside's 'Trigger' 12" over and over again while so many with holes in both their souls and pockets mull over this stuff and spit out their opinion like so much onion dip. They usually end their opinion with 'Limited to 50...act today!' but who cares? I guess if the sounds is potent, they potent...no matter how many are made. But if I know anything, I know that when I was a young beardo dwelling the streets of New Brunswick, New Jersey in the early 90's, the place was a serious cultural wasteland. Still feeling the blowback of being such a hip city in the late 80's, the burg was a fuckin' pit of despair. Tons of horrid Stooges copyists still thinking Bruce Pavitt was gonna roll through town with a time machine and a contract to make a jillion albums while giving an advance of Swallow twelves. It truly sucked. Me and some of my bros tried to stir some shit, but we were looked at like pointless card tricks. I remember trying to convince some indie rock douchebag he should book NNCK (circa '96) in this loft space he had. He treated me like total dogshit and then proceeded to play me tape after tape of his crappy space rock band being produced by one of the guys from Tortoise. Bummer city, U.S.A population me...

So now there's this total happenin' noise/psych shit rock scene going on there and I gotta admit I'm abit jealous. How come all these kids in their homemade costumes get to have so much fun in that town in this post-Wolf Eyes blowin' up world? But shit man, I'm happy for 'em...even ecstatic you can say. They got a happenin' party palace there on the same street I used to live on and some decent touring bands always stop there. And some of these units they got goin' on there are pretty hapennin' as well. USA Gold Exchange seem to fill their 'large ensemble' quota, jamming out quiet, creepy jams for those of us who still hold their copy of 'In Public and Private' close to their crotch. 2673 has been on the scene for awhile but he still don't get the recognition he deserves. Maybe if he donned some heavy eye make-up and wore communion dresses people would care...I don't know. I haven't really heard any of those King Darves jams yet, but I'd like to. Human Adult Band I've actually hoid and it's some damn good sludgy shit rock shit with some obnoxious ass wiggling to spare. But the whole stupid reason I started this spiel, was to talk about this new 7" entitled 'Jar' by New Brunswicks' Car Commercials. Car Commercials includes a dude named Dave whose done stuff under the name Ladderwoe and has a finger (heh-heh) in the fore mentioned USA Gold Exchange. It also includes that dashing lil furball Daniel DiMaggio, who you might know from his Home Blitz fame. The two dudes do up some real demented jams on this slab. Tape recorders get shut on and off, sped up...slowed down and then they bust into some rockin' and then some close-talkin' microphone action. You like the Prats?early Shadow Ring? Do you get joy outta knowing there's kids half you age that are as fucked up as you? Then, mister...jump on this today! Limited to....ahh...y'all HAD to see that one comin'. But seriously, get with these jokers and get a copy of this single. It's a dingaling up the shnozola, lemme tell you...Dave in CC does the Leaf Leaf label and here's their MySpace page where you get hooked up with a corn-a-coppola of stuff from the home of The Golden Rail...here's the linkage

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=28758210

Other than that, I really dig this compilation that was just dropped on the Non-Commercial label entitled 'Battle of The Worst Bands'. If I may spew one of my usual stand-bys...In the early to mid 90's, I was an ex-Hardcore kid smoking weed and seein' how many records on the United Artists label (circa '72) I could find (I still need that Halfbreed record...anyone holdin'...drop me a line) The idea of abuncha dudes in Cleveland making up 'joke' Hardcore bands at that time and putting out singles of them in minute editions would of amused me, but I surely wouldn't of listened to them. But now I'm old and angrier than I ever was at 16 (How'd that happen?) and those dudes were cool enough to put them all on one LP in the present day and I'm lovin' it. Cider and The Darvocets I've heard of before and they make up the first side of this thing. The Cider stuff (Originally released as the 'Out To Get Me' 7" in 1994) has got a brash UK Hardcore sound that would most likely scare the bejesus outta every hipster doofus who creamed their expensive 'vintage' jeans to the lame sounds of No Fucker a few weeks ago @ The Glass Lands. Their cover of NA's 'Last Warning' is an 'interpetation' at best, but that's whats so marvy about it. The Darvocets are like a thrash version of The Rezillos, complete with lyrics about spacemen and shit like that. I still got a lump in my pants for both Faye Fife and her goofy tunes, so you know I was down with that. Apparently they are actually playing this weekend here in Brooklyn, but I gotta babysit a copy machine that night, so I'm screwed. The second side has gotta single released by The Ruiners in '99 entitled 'Blank Your Life' which has gotta cool early Boston vibe to it but the winners of this battle of the worst bands has got to be the closers of the record, Brainwashed Youth. Apparently holding a member of Integrity (?!?) this is most likely the stupidest thing I've heard in awhile and I am ever so happy to hear it. With horrible phony British accents and inept musical ability, these guys make the Maniax sound like King Crimson. I almost crapped my pants listening to these guys....who am I foolin' with that 'almost' part? Ha! These suckahs were done up super limited (here we go again...) so jump on this like a Gia Paloma blow-up doll. Here you go...http://www.noncommercialrecords.com/

'Til then...'come in out of the darkness...'