WHAT CAN I SAY? YOGA CLASS IS STRESSFUL!

Where have I been? The question is where the fuck have you been? Cause I know where I've been, pal. Stacking beers inbetween the screen door and house door of celebs, toking doobage with members of Violent Apathy...you know, the usual shit. I've also been staring at this flyer for hours on end wondering how this show would of went down. It never did (of course) but the idea of hearing 'Outcast' in the same night as seeing Tomata Du Plenty is too much for even my jaded as shit brain to handle. Shit, I woulda sat through Jerry Vile & The Boners to see this...and that's sayin' somethin'.

So..so...oh yes. I guess this Eskimo King CD-R named 'Satelite Decisions' has been on the market for awhile now, but I just stole it a few nights ago, so bear with me sweetcheeks. I know you and you're thinking 'Side project of Mouthus? My guess is cock splewey noise and I've heard that already'. All I gotta say is you're a douche nozzle supreme, jack. The first half of this disc is some pretty dope sketches of acoustics and keyboard that sound like 'Close to the Edge' fed through the brain of a tin pooping robot. The later half gets electric and certainly loudy, but it's not like it's scary or nutin'. In fact, I'd say it's roar is down right fuzzy. The perfect balance of the bitter and the sweet. Can you dig it? If you can't, please go and purchase a Porcupine Tree dildo. Ouch! That smarts, Boyd! http://ourmouthrecords.com/

If I've listened to anything more than the unreleased Violent Apathy 7" (do I sense a theme here?) it's been this disc by the Netherlands #1 Satan worshipping act, The Devils' Blood. Again, this band might be old hat to you hip young black clad thangs, but they're news to my old, dumpy jeaned self. I've listened to this disc - entitled 'Come Reap' - more than a few times now, and I'm still sorta confused. Jefferson Airplane on a dose of the Devil's blotter? This reeks not one iota of any rock music made within the past 30 years and that might be why it's such a winner. Who out there is going to go see them open for Pentagram? I might be tempted if someone promises freshly baked cookies right after they play. I'm looking at you Liebling! http://www.allthatisheavy.com/info.asp?item_num=ATH-5606

Uh..,that's pretty much all I got right now. Expect more and more sporadic postings as I work more and more on my book. I guess in the time being, make up your shit or read more Kanye West interviews. God knows they're more interesting and hilarious than I could ever hope to be.

I'VE NEVER FELT ASHAMED FOR HAVING NOTHING TO DO OK..here goes. Been trying to get the first stages of the Detroit Hardcore book out of the way. Lotsa interviews and lotsa procrastinating on some of the interviews. Lots of Kombucha and wheatgrass. Lotsa bathroom breaks. All I know is it's been way more fun to listen to these records than update this bloog --

Egg - 'The Polite Force' (Deram)
Eric Burdon & The Animals - 'Winds of Change' (MGM)
Frank Sinatra - 'Watertown' (Reprise) (The record that makes 'Berlin' sound like The Association. Suck it long and hard, Louis!)
Camel - 'Mirage' (Deram)
This Heat - 'Repeat' (These)
Der Teenage Panzerkorps - 'Games for Slaves' (Siltbreeze)
GBH - 'Leather, Bristles, Studs & Acne' (Clay)
Various Artists - 'Sunday Sunshine - The World of SNB Records' (RPM)
Caravan - 1st lp (Verve Forecast)

SMOKING MENTHOLS AND EATIN' KOBE BEEF NEVER TASTED SO GOOD -- AN AFTERNOON MEDITATION ON PUSSYGUTT AND STORY OF RATS Despite my undying love for the Virgin Prunes and the sporadic donning of black eyeliner before I head down to the local Key Foods, I'm not that 'dark' of a guy. Although I'm obviously down with the drone, Sunn and all their followers never made sense to me. It just seemed they took a great sound and dumbed it down for metalers and other mouth breathing types by adding alotta horseshit to it. Whenever I see a black record cover with silver ink, I usually fall asleep by the time I have a chance to laugh at the band name and/or record title. Hey...whatever floats your rod in the water and puts asses in the seats, I guess.



When and if I do throw some sounds on in this bunker these days, it's usually something I'm familiar with and/or something that doesn't require too much listener/sound participation. Alittle A.F. when the tub needs a hard scrub, some Dusty when some wine is being sipped and spilled, etc. New vibrations don't get too much spin time 'round here, but once in awhile someone will slip me something they think I'd like and I throw it on and by god, they're right to think I'd dig it. Such is the case with this double LP entitled 'Sea of Sand', a collaborative effort between Boise, Idahos' Pussygutt and Seattles' Story of Rats. I was firstly taken with how beautiful the package was. A jet black gatefold with paste-on artwork that must of been glued on by the most OCD person in the universe; totally immaculate. The sounds that take up both these slabs are certainly heavier than a two ton turd, but it's an effortless vibration that seems to just naturally permeate from the sound. The first record in the set sounds like it was one continuous jam spread out between the sides. For most of it, the amps humm and purr as if they themselves (not the humans in the room) are actually waiting for the riffs and drums to kick in. When they do show themselves, they're perfectly brief and direct and burrow back into the clouds of roar to await their next outing. Since I didn't look at the clock once while both of these sides heaved mighty grey smoke from their surfaces, I'm supposing this record must be good.

An actual violin played like it actually should be played opens Side C while field recordings of dry leaves crunch off in the distance. Somewhere down the line (Once again, I lost track of time) strings ring open and randomly hang/float, making me think more of the Dead C. than former members of False Liberty in bathrobes. Side D is heavy, slow and minimal but in a pretty engaging way. It might be that my ears are tuned differently, but when I hear this slow sludgy thing done right, I envision the songs that closed out both Infest 7"s going on forever like I wished them to all those years ago. Somewhere in all the strumming and clanging, in comes the ringing of bells and the quacking of ducks in the far distance and the record is over.

It's been awhile since I've actually got lost in a record; let alone a double set. These people have actually put together a record that's an experience; something you can't just make the bed and sweep the floor to. Put it on, sit down and take it in, chief.


P.S. -- Do not handle this cover after the eating of greasy foods. You'll just ruin it.

SOME OF MY FAVORITE STOLEN THINGS PART ONE...The quote below was stolen from Ronny Little's Barebones Hardcore blogspot. The interview was posted back in '05, but it was ripped off by me circa now...


Porcell -- One of the first times I ever went to CB's was to see Agnostic Front (before United Blood was out), Death Before Dishonor (Mark Supertouch and Mike Judge's first band), Balls (Don Fury's band) and Skinhead Youth (Alex Cause For Alarm's skinhead band with Raybeez on vocals). I took the train in from my nice upper middle class whitebread neighborhood and let me tell you, that was the sketchiest, scariest crowd I had seen in my life at that point. I was practically the only kid in the pit with hair! Skinhead Youth came out and played racist songs like "Black Plague" and had a song about fag bashing, which they dedicated to Harley (who wasn't even in the Cro Mags at that point but was somehow still the star of the scene). I was like "I'm not in the suburbs anymore man!" While DBD was playing, I was moshing and I felt something hitting me repeatedly in the back of the head. At first I thought it was random elbows until I turned around and saw Jimmy Gestapo in construction gloves staring me down, I guess he didn't like my skater cut. Then AF took the stage, and for some odd reason Matt Dillon (of "There's Something About Mary" fame) was in the crowd, he was all punked out like a poser with a trenchcoat, boots and a bandana around his head. AF dedicated a song to "that f'ing faggot Matt Dillon who better get his ass back uptown if he knows what's good for him!" Needless to say, he left. AF were so incredible, people were losing their minds singing along, it was all these sketchy inner city kids who lived on the streets and you could tell this was all they had, it was intense. Then to top it off, as I was exiting, a guy named Tony Ultraviolence beat up a skinhead named Steve Hate with a wine bottle, splitting his head open. High school seemed really boring on Monday morning.

UNLESS HE'S STEVE ALLEN, WALTER'S STEALIN' MY BIT!

Although I don't know how to feel about his twee version of 'Society Suckers', I gotta admit Walter Schreifels hit the nail on the frickin' head here with this quote of his I stole off the Radio Silence site --

'Hardcore is American folk music at heart, celebrated and imitated around the world, like Levi’s, Coca Cola, Airports and Spaceships. It’s influence continues to be felt not only in music but in art, fashion and graphic design. Ian MacKaye is our Woody Guthrie, Agnostic Front our Carter Family.'

Right on N.D!!!

On a non-Hahdcaw note, the new season of Russell Brand's Ponderland started a few weeks ago over the pond. Hey...I guess I'm a moron 'cause I still find the guy funny, even with the Adam Sandler connections and crank calls and huge hair and all. Here's a lazy YouTube link to a good 'un -- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lv5IWwSOTLA&feature=related

And that is all.

PUNK ROCK NERD Q&A = A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH
Above -- A huge Tom Trocolli's Dog fan poses a question to Joe Carducci last night at the Spoonbill and Sugartown book store in totally gay Williamsburg, Brooklyn


Just thought I'd drop by and let you know about a few things a brewin' (if you care) I did my part in getting the word out on Joe Carducci coming to Brooklyn to read. Check out all I done did here --http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-11-19/books/sst-to-bklyn-joe-carducci-speaks/

and here -- http://www.swingsetmagazine.com/pages/index.php

An article I did up on the A7 reunion going on at the Knitting Factory next month will be running in the Voice the first week of December. In the past week I got to talk to Johnny Waste, Jerry Williams, Jimmy Gestapo and Jism from Ism for the piece. Wudda life!

Check out the new 'Icons' issue of Swindle for an interview I did with Penelope Houston. They don't have the piece on line, but you can order from their website if you live under a rock and can't buy it near you – http://swindlemagazine.com/

What else...what else...The Detroit Hardcore article that ran in Swindle last year is being turned into a book. I have signed my life away to a certain publisher and I have to deliver in a years' time or I will be subjected to listening to End of a Year and Whirlpool until my ears bleed. Anyone out there who thinks they got something that'll be good for the book and wasn't used in the article, get in touch.

That's all I got for now. Just wanted you guys to know how great I am.

HEY! LET'S ALL GO DOWN TO THE SODA SHOPPE WHILE THE MEXICANS TAKE OVER THE COUNTRY!
Sometimes when I'm bored, I will still listen to new music and try to evaluate it. I find the task to be mind numbing and pointless. Who cares what I think and why should I write about the few records I purchase these days? I'd rather sit here and ponder on the second season of '30 Rock' now that it's on DVD and wonder why Tracy Morgans' character seems so called in and distant from how great it was in the first season. Just mutterings of stupid sayings and catch phrases. I'm not saying the whole shebang is a dud. Quite the opposite, but it just don't feel like the first time, Mr. Foreigner. We all know second seasons are hard to work with, just like second albums. You're expected to top your first offering whether or not it blew the roof off the sucker. I read a quote once by Bruce Springsteen that read something about how easy it is to create when no one is paying attention and you're wishing they were. When 'they' are paying attention, you wish they weren't so you wouldn't be so hung up on pleasing 'them'. Who knew the king of the boss liquid was so plugged in. I wonder if he said that before or after losing his 45 of 'Mountain of Love' in Landaus' bunghole. Oh my! Snarky rock critic references! I certainly have come full circle to eat my own tail, haven't I? Anywhos, I guess some people got their second album right; so right it muted the first one out of the water. Let's see....there's 'Traffic' by Traffic...'Put The Music in it's Coffin'...'Bryter Layter'...I'm sure there's more, but I got a bucket of chicken in front of me I wanna dig into.

I'm old and slow and I just gotta hold of the second seven inch by Swinehood from Sweden and it certainly don't go up in the leagues of the records mentioned above (I'm not that bored...c'mon) but I played it more than twice and contemplated bringing it along when I was asked to D.J. a wine and cheese party Mind Eraser played the other week. Internetting tells me there is some sorta Brainbombs connection here, which would totally thrill me if I got into Hardcore through Floorpunch and just discovered saying the 'N' word can make me feel real naughty. Shit...will I be this nasty when 'the kids' finally pick up a copy of 'Child is Father to the Man' in a dollar bin? Hmm....hopefully by then I'll be too submerged in a fog of sausage makers and the green, green grass of home to care. We'll see. But yeah, this Swinehood stuff sounds pretty legit in it's nasty ass sound. It's hard not to sound studied when playing mean spirited Punk Rock in 2008 (I just discovered that fact actually!) but the shit's got the same feel as that Brainbombs stuff. Not necessarily in sound, but in the 'I think these guys might be serious' feeling that shot down your spinal column the first time you heard 'Lipstick on my Cock' or maybe even 'Megan's Gyspy Eyes' (totally unrelated I know, but the Koop pays me a saw buck a mention if ya didn't know) They/he/whoever is Swinehood gots a new seven inch out, but I haven't got a hold of it. I MySpaced the fucker asking how to get a hold of it and he ignored me like the sellout hippy I am. Eh...I'm sure it'll show up in two years time in someones' distro here in the states while I'm trying to stuff a rabbit into a sausage maker. I'll never know the ending!

Alot of words and phrases get thrown around these days...'Maverick'...'Hockey Mom'...and, most of all, 'Shit-Fi'. As a fan of some of the lousiest Hardcore recordings of the eighties, I'm down with appreciating the sound that has been so easily sown up into a catch phrase, but I think something's got lost along the way. I severely doubt when the Shitlickers or State Children walked into the studio on that fateful day they actually came out and said to the engineer 'Yeah...could you make us sound as lousy as possible? Could you replace that drum set with wet cardboard and tin foil? Oh yeah...also...could you stick a switchblade into my guitar amp's cones? Thank you so much' These recordings were done on the cheap 'cause these guys hadda lack of coin due to cider addiction and other such things. If they had the chance, I'm sure they would of wanted it to sound like a million bucks. For a generation of people who have got the full Lama discography downloaded to their laptop to 'try' to sound shitty is gross to me. This is obviously not a diss towards the website or that Stuart guy or anything like that, so please stop right there.This is just an observation of some shit I have listened to recently when I've been down at the local teen post selling outdated Juji Fruit to ClockCleaner fans, OK? There's no way you can stop the kids, so let 'em ape everything instead of getting gnarly and inventing some new game to fuck up the oldsters. If they're gonna ape anything, why don't they dig on this Van Sac single some nice person did up recently. Apparently this was a demo of some post Anti-Cimex thing from '86 that the Distort label outta Wallington, New Jersey (what?!?) found in a dustbin somewhere and decided more people needed to hear it. Wow...wudda noble effort. As expected, it's total Discharge worship recorded real shitty, which is worth at least five bucks anyway you slice it, but the thing I find real intriguing here is the vocalist who sounds like some drunk off the street making up words as he goes along. Whenever his brain is dry, he just lets out a string of laughter. Twisted beyond the usual 'D-Beat' stuff (my teeth grit as I type that phrase) of both the past and present, this is one to reinstate some faith in turd recording. Only 200 pressed apparently, so jump on it you sexy mouth breather, you.

Damn, this is going on for awhile! Kinda wish I ate that chicken before I started on this...Speaking of studied, I got this Obliteration seven inch sitting here too. Now, before I start, I want you to know when I say 'studied', it's not a bad thing. Personally, I always thought it was how you studied that made the difference. You can be a nerd and ask alotta questions and get things down pat and buy a shitload of expensive records and ask more questions and then think you now know exactly where to put a distorted bass break or a violin scrape or whatever. Or...you could just buy the expensive records, listen to them, absorb them for a year or two and let it fly. That's considered studying too, ya know. It's the difference between Matt Valentine or No Neck....Wooden Wand or Chasny...lemme stop before someone threatens me to a slap fight. So, Obliteration is some members of some big named current Hardcore bands doing up their BritCore tribute, complete with a shitty xeroxed sleeve (there's two to choose from!) and song titles like 'Fascist System' and 'Megatons'. Yeah, it's pretty over the top, but when it boils right down to it...fuck it...it sounds choice. Echoed-out vocals, power mower guitar sound..you know the drill. It still seems weird to me that someone has to make a record like this; a record that looks and sounds a certain way. At one point in time, people just put out records like this, period. Do you get my drift? Nonetheless, I'm glad someone is putting out a record that looks and sounds like this. I dig it and that is that.

OK...I can't take it anymore. I need to eat this chicken. Everyone buy the Radio Silence book and don't listen to anything I write or say. I'm a just a handsome dude who is never content and flies off the handle too much over shit he claims he doesn't care about. I could go on more about bands I've never heard and how much I hate them, but again...I got the chicken here...

Props to those who wish this was a joke....