Wednesday, March 26, 2008

ROCK WRITING IS OVER! (IF YOU WANT IT TO BE) 'Music columnists are imbeciles waiting for some of you screwballs to just fuckin' end it by slamming a lamp over their thick skulls crushing their craniums once and for all. The few who would actually be worthy columnists are too clever to ever actually take part in the charade.' -- Uncle Jim

The above quote from the 'Uncle Jim' persona of whatever Bishop brother maintains that side name/project were the truest words about the mastabatory cul-de-sac known as 'music journalism' I had ever read in my time of cookie eating. Trouble is he had it printed it in a publication that's the very fucking example of what he's writing about. The second issue of this Bixobal magazine gives late 90's mags like Halana and Opprubium a run for their money with it's humourless, friend wrangling pointlessness. Review upon unchalleging review of Wire approved improv pooh dominates the bulk of this rag while Richard Bishop (how many 'cred' points is that guy worth to the editors?) rattles on again about traveling around in India. When this guy starts keeping journals on being kidnapped and forced to work in a sweatshop in one of the countries he loves so much, maybe I'll be interested. You know what would be real interesting? Reading a diary Richard kept on AN ACTUAL JOB he's held down in his life. Aside from a rather touching and informative obit about Charlie Nothing done up by Keith from No Neck, this thing comes off like a mid-afternoon wank session with sandpaper in your palm. I see from the inside cover these guys have started a record label as well that serves up 'limited edition' records by all their improvising/noodling/cacophonous contributors. Boy, do you guys know how to make friends! Shit rags like this are the very reason I bide my time these days listening to the same five records over and over and never leaving the house. Are the editors of this mag 'here' for the music? Or do they publish this thing just to rub proverbial elbows with guys who should be (at least) supermarker managers at this point in their life. My brain barely agitates to come to a conclusion on that one. Now where are my back issues of Not For The Weak?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

200LBU'S SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST SHOWCASE!!! (LAST MINUTE) Sorry for the late notice, but I just thought I'd let you all know we have managed to throw down with a last minute showcase at that cavalcade of lost souls and sleaze merchants going on this week in Texas known as South By Southwest. Like all good blog nerds, we here at 200LBU have thrown countless artists to the wayside once more than fifty people had finally heard of them. They are all meaningless fodder to us as we tell everyone how great their new limited to five three inch CDR sounds while secretly listening to Everything But The Girl 'Best Of' CDR's burned and compiled by our nieces. Luckily, we have secured a venue in haphazard fashion down there in the land of Marching Plague and the Bang Gang to showcase our new crop of here-today-gone-tomorrow favorites. All the following bands will be performing this Saturday at The Chain Drive at 504 Willow Street in Austin at 2 a.m. Be there or be considered not relevent! The line-up is as follows --

STUBRETTH -- The hottest hipster Black Metal group going on today. They have never actually played an authentic Black Metal show nor actually gone to a Black Metal concert as a spectator, but that's not the point! The point is they have more CDR's of Greek Black Metal bands than you do! Who cares if they don't even own a copy of 'Sin After Sin' ? Their new CDR entitled 'From The Loins of Falsities and Flossies' will be on sale at the show.

WARNING FART -- Blazing 'old school' thrash that sounds like a cross between PTL Klub and Stukas Over Bedrock. Rad! Remember -- The 50's are now the 80's and the future will be never! Release on No Way Records imminent.

GOOP "I" -- You want mystery? You want elusiveness? You want non-commitment? Than the one manned Goop "I" is for you! We felt intrigued when Goop annonymously sent us his debut CDR 'The Cold Breaking Wind Feels Like Hot Rain'. We felt even more intrigued when he sent us numerous annonymously written e-mails asking us what we thought of his CDR and then we were totally intrigued when he bought off the rest of our Jandek vinyl collection for a mere $5000. This guy is so sensitive and forlorn, he might not even make it to his in-store appearence before the gig! Poor, poor pitiful him.

CINDERBLOCK DONKEY PUNCH -- In the past few years, most hardcore Power Electronics fans have complained how their beloved noise had become diluted and weak, but luckily Herbert Jamittinn (A.K.A Cinderblock Donkey Punch) is here to rescue the genre from the clutches of these new jack perpetrators. Speaking from his mothers' basement (which he rarely leaves) he says, 'Domick Fernow and all of them have taken it all and made it all 'Tiger Beat'. Fuck that!'. Herbert will be bringing the noise to our South By Southwest showcase for all the loser misogynists who fell in love with this sound all so many years ago in their mothers' basement. His latest cassette releases 'Shit Slot', 'You Broke My Heart, So I Broke Your Hello Kitty Collection' and 'My Father Was Very Distant and That's Why I'm The Way I Am' will all be for sale at the show.

It's gonna be one helluva show. Hope to see you there!

ALSO -- I will be leading a panel discussion on Friday afternoon entitiled "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! -- The History of Assholes in Music'. Hope to see you there too...asshole.