ROCK WRITING IS OVER! (IF YOU WANT IT TO BE) 'Music columnists are imbeciles waiting for some of you screwballs to just fuckin' end it by slamming a lamp over their thick skulls crushing their craniums once and for all. The few who would actually be worthy columnists are too clever to ever actually take part in the charade.' -- Uncle Jim

The above quote from the 'Uncle Jim' persona of whatever Bishop brother maintains that side name/project were the truest words about the mastabatory cul-de-sac known as 'music journalism' I had ever read in my time of cookie eating. Trouble is he had it printed it in a publication that's the very fucking example of what he's writing about. The second issue of this Bixobal magazine gives late 90's mags like Halana and Opprubium a run for their money with it's humourless, friend wrangling pointlessness. Review upon unchalleging review of Wire approved improv pooh dominates the bulk of this rag while Richard Bishop (how many 'cred' points is that guy worth to the editors?) rattles on again about traveling around in India. When this guy starts keeping journals on being kidnapped and forced to work in a sweatshop in one of the countries he loves so much, maybe I'll be interested. You know what would be real interesting? Reading a diary Richard kept on AN ACTUAL JOB he's held down in his life. Aside from a rather touching and informative obit about Charlie Nothing done up by Keith from No Neck, this thing comes off like a mid-afternoon wank session with sandpaper in your palm. I see from the inside cover these guys have started a record label as well that serves up 'limited edition' records by all their improvising/noodling/cacophonous contributors. Boy, do you guys know how to make friends! Shit rags like this are the very reason I bide my time these days listening to the same five records over and over and never leaving the house. Are the editors of this mag 'here' for the music? Or do they publish this thing just to rub proverbial elbows with guys who should be (at least) supermarker managers at this point in their life. My brain barely agitates to come to a conclusion on that one. Now where are my back issues of Not For The Weak?

200LBU'S SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST SHOWCASE!!! (LAST MINUTE) Sorry for the late notice, but I just thought I'd let you all know we have managed to throw down with a last minute showcase at that cavalcade of lost souls and sleaze merchants going on this week in Texas known as South By Southwest. Like all good blog nerds, we here at 200LBU have thrown countless artists to the wayside once more than fifty people had finally heard of them. They are all meaningless fodder to us as we tell everyone how great their new limited to five three inch CDR sounds while secretly listening to Everything But The Girl 'Best Of' CDR's burned and compiled by our nieces. Luckily, we have secured a venue in haphazard fashion down there in the land of Marching Plague and the Bang Gang to showcase our new crop of here-today-gone-tomorrow favorites. All the following bands will be performing this Saturday at The Chain Drive at 504 Willow Street in Austin at 2 a.m. Be there or be considered not relevent! The line-up is as follows --

STUBRETTH -- The hottest hipster Black Metal group going on today. They have never actually played an authentic Black Metal show nor actually gone to a Black Metal concert as a spectator, but that's not the point! The point is they have more CDR's of Greek Black Metal bands than you do! Who cares if they don't even own a copy of 'Sin After Sin' ? Their new CDR entitled 'From The Loins of Falsities and Flossies' will be on sale at the show.

WARNING FART -- Blazing 'old school' thrash that sounds like a cross between PTL Klub and Stukas Over Bedrock. Rad! Remember -- The 50's are now the 80's and the future will be never! Release on No Way Records imminent.

GOOP "I" -- You want mystery? You want elusiveness? You want non-commitment? Than the one manned Goop "I" is for you! We felt intrigued when Goop annonymously sent us his debut CDR 'The Cold Breaking Wind Feels Like Hot Rain'. We felt even more intrigued when he sent us numerous annonymously written e-mails asking us what we thought of his CDR and then we were totally intrigued when he bought off the rest of our Jandek vinyl collection for a mere $5000. This guy is so sensitive and forlorn, he might not even make it to his in-store appearence before the gig! Poor, poor pitiful him.

CINDERBLOCK DONKEY PUNCH -- In the past few years, most hardcore Power Electronics fans have complained how their beloved noise had become diluted and weak, but luckily Herbert Jamittinn (A.K.A Cinderblock Donkey Punch) is here to rescue the genre from the clutches of these new jack perpetrators. Speaking from his mothers' basement (which he rarely leaves) he says, 'Domick Fernow and all of them have taken it all and made it all 'Tiger Beat'. Fuck that!'. Herbert will be bringing the noise to our South By Southwest showcase for all the loser misogynists who fell in love with this sound all so many years ago in their mothers' basement. His latest cassette releases 'Shit Slot', 'You Broke My Heart, So I Broke Your Hello Kitty Collection' and 'My Father Was Very Distant and That's Why I'm The Way I Am' will all be for sale at the show.

It's gonna be one helluva show. Hope to see you there!

ALSO -- I will be leading a panel discussion on Friday afternoon entitiled "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! -- The History of Assholes in Music'. Hope to see you there too...asshole.

'...I AIN'T GAY OR NUTTIN...IT'S JUST I LIKE READIN' QUEER BOOKS IS ALL...' ‘They’d come into it because they thought ‘What’s got coloured hair?’ They were looking for things that were fashionable’. – Mark Perry
The Wire January 2000

It was a sad day in my young life when I came to the realization that the very foundation on which I staked my whole life was a teetering and stinky pile of horseshit. ‘Punk Rock’ (that is the 1976 definition of the words) when it really boiled down to it, was more or less some vehicle for some carrot topped halfwit to sell a box full of torn t-shirts to a bunch of rich kids from the London suburbs. I think the idea finally hit me halfway through the snooze fest that is ‘England’s Dreaming’, that oh-so-exciting pile of pages written by the rockinest Grandma in ole Blighty, Jon Savage. It certainly didn’t make what Punk inspired any less of itself, but it still saddened my tiny twenty year old head to think something as earnest and close to my heart as Minor Threat was drawn from something that was all about ‘Pose, pose, pose’. I pretty much settled on the fact that Punk’s initial spark rested on getting over on someone to make a buck. What a bummer.

That idea sat in my brain for awhile and bobbed around in my gray matter here and there, but it floated to the front again whilst reading ‘Berlin Bromley’, the Punk memoirs of Bertie ‘Berlin’ Marshall, the flaming side mouse to Siouxsie, Steve Severin and the rest of the Bromley contingent. If there’s one person that defines the consciously vacant poser of King’s Road fashion of ‘76/’77, it’s this guy. If you go by the quotes on the back of the book (‘…A remarkable record of a defining moment in musical history’) you’d think you’re getting the lowdown on Brit ’77 action in all its glory. Instead, you get breakdowns on what was worn the first time Berlin went to see the Sex Pistols. The actual music? You’re gonna hafta consult someone else on that, lovey. But fuck, I guess cheesecloth is the defining moment of this music. Here goes that bummer headache again…

‘It’s a lot better now than it used to be. When it started it was all the art college lot, now it’s working class kids. You’ve got the Upstarts, the Rejects and us, just kids playing for the kids. And you don’t have to buy a thirty quid pullover or hang around the King’s Road anymore.’ -- Peter Chinhead
Sounds 7/5/1980

If you strip this book of having to do with anything remotely about music, than I’d say it’s a naughty little read full of mindless decadence written in the style of someone who IS there just for a cheap thrill and maybe a quick butt load of splooey. Soon after ‘discovering’ Punk, Berlin left his safe home in Bromley and became a rent boy lying in beds and man-doing everyone from National Front skins to Fat British businessmen with flatulence fetishes. Even though he never touched her, he caught crabs from Nancy Spungen (wudda honor!) and cryptically reveals that Stevie Jones and Cookie might have been doing one another. A book crammed with posing, sulphate, man love and catty wordage, ‘Berline Bromley’ is a fun, quick read that’s sorta like eating a Turkey and Ice Cream hoagie or a night out on the town with Lady Boys; easily regrettable but too much fun to pass up.

200LBU'S 'BAND TO LOOK OUT FOR IN 2008' Turkey Tips (pictured above) are a newly formed duo that are --

A) Groundbreaking
B) Mesmerizing
C) Wholly original
D) All of the above

They recently came to the attention of --

A) Dusted Magazine
B) A friend of Dusted Magazine
C) Someone from Dusted Magazine who was eavesdropping in on a conversation of someone from Pitchfork while he was sucking the privates of a contributor to Arthur Magazine for one-of-a-kind hippy hairtips
D) All of the above

Their debut LP will soon be released on --

A) Load
B) Troubleman Unlimited
C) What's Your Rupture?
D) All of the above

And it will be entitled --

A) 'Neck Zit Serenade'
B) 'Personable Man Servant'
C) 'Who Blew A Load In The Toad of Baskerville?'
D) All of the Above

They will be going on tour this Spring with--

A) Airel Pink
B) Blank Dogs
C) Robedoor
D) All of the above

Followed by a huge feature about the band in --

A) Arthur
B) Dusted Magazine
C) Pitchfork
D) All of the Above

Written by --

A) Doug Mosurock
B) Doug Mosurock
C) Doug Mosurock
D) All of the Above

They will be quoted as saying in the article --

A) 'Yeah, Thurston totally loves us'
B) 'We've been really into these movie soundtracks from Bologna that someone from Gang Gang Dance really turned us onto'
C) 'This hairstyle? Some guy from Arthur turned me onto it in exchange for some head'
D) All of the above

In a year from now, they will be bigger than --

A) Brightback Morning Light
B) Xiu Xiu
C) White Magic
D) All of those bands everyone loved a year or so ago who now can't get paid to urinate in public.

MY FAVORITE DUDS
PART ONE (IN A HOPEFULLY CONTINUING SERIES)As I gaze upon my record collection, ravaged and raped by both age and thieves, I can’t help but notice how numb I feel. If ten years ago you would have told me a decent chunk of my vinyl would be floating somewhere in the nether regions of nowhere without a culprit in sight for the crime, I surely would of broken down in tears. Right at this very moment, I could care less. There seems to be no time in my day when I’m pottering around the apartment and stop and think ‘Damn! I really wish I could hear that Acting Trio record just one more time!’ Where as most of my big-ticket items were snatched, the ones that no one would be caught dead listening to stayed behind. Surprise, surprise…

And I’m thankful for that. For these dud records are the ones that I derive immense pleasure from; these are the ones no one would wanna come over and listen to. Guilty pleasures? I think not. I don’t believe in that sorta shit. You either dig it or you don’t, and if you don’t wanna hear it, stay offa the bus. Let’s say (…fer example…) I pulled out this fifth album done up by The Cockney Rejects titled ‘The Wild Ones’. Even people with no back-story on these louts would look at this thing and find it fishy. As some of you might know, these guys were the poster boys for the whole Oi! thing-a-muh-bob of the U.K. in the early 80’s. No matter what anyone might tell you, those first few singles by the Rejects still stand up, especially when you got an Afternoon Penis leading a room in the chorus of ‘Oi! Oi! Oi!’…lemme tell ya. But even before the Hardcore wagon would really pick up steam in the states, The Rejects were already trading boots and braces for leopard skin prints and B.C. Riches. Stories say The Rejects were fed up with being falsely associated with the right winged thugs rampant on the Oi! scene and decided their way out was jumping on the last crest of the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (NWOBHM for you winners out there) I recall peering endlessly at the cover of this record in the racks of my local malls’ ‘import’ section when it came out. I was all of ten or eleven years old, but I knew of The Rejects and their jams and being a junior Anglophile, I was intrigued as shit over the whole skinhead thing I was reading about in my older brothers’ copies of the NME. Where the covers of their past albums showed The Rejects clowning around and mooning the camera, this one had this real posh looking photo of the guys posing in front of London Bridge (that is London Bridge, right?) Two out of the four members had hair past their ears and the drummer (Keith Warrington, formerly of Angelic Upstarts) had this real foppish rock star stance going on with his hand of the back of his hip plus (PLUS!!!) he was wearing an American football jersey. What the fuck was that? I was confused even further when I flipped the cover over and saw still shots of the guitarist Mickey Geggus wearing leather gloves and a leather jacket with no shirt underneath. Their vocalist had changed his name from ‘Stinky Turner’ to ‘Jefferson Turner’. Guess he wanted to class himself up. Can’t really impress a heavy metal babe with a name like ‘Stinky’, can you?

For some stupid reason or another, I bought the fucking thing. I remember looking at the song titles on the back cover (‘Way of the Rocker’, ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll Dream’, ‘Victim of the Cheap Wine’) while walking up to the counter and thinking it must be crap, but I wanted to know for myself if it was crap or not. Well, let’s just say I really found out for myself how crappy it was. It was disappointment once the needle hit the record. . The opening lyric of the record was ‘I don’t worry/I don’t care/I get out of bed and I comb my hair!’ That pretty much did it for me. The second song had this horrid chorus where the whole band went ‘Doot doo doo/Doot di do/Do-do!’. To my puritan punker ears, it just sounded like lame Heavy Metal riffs while Stinky (oh…excuse me…Jefferson) did some horrid Bon Scott imitation. I believe it sat around collecting dust for a few years until it was traded in at some store in my teens.


About three years ago, I found the record again and bought it just to remind myself how crap it was. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment who can’t hold onto money…please help me. But this disc elicited a different reaction some thirteen years later. Time certainly didn’t make the actual record any better, but it did add some sort of unfathomable element of fascination to it. Having taken in enough NWOBHM records as well as a shitload of lousy ‘Crossover’ records in my teens, I could hear this record as a very strange and desperate cry for help. By the mid-eighties, there were enough Brit Punkers trying to go Metal that it was pretty common to see your heroes latest record adorned in a cover that looked like a Greenslade record. But this record was recorded in 1981; way before Discharge would write thirteen minute long opuses about heroin addiction and have H.R. heave bags of smelly garbage at them. The Rejects were in a sea by themselves going metal while The Exploited and Chron Gen ruled the U.K. charts. ‘The Wild Ones’ is as single minded in it’s pursuit of riffs and glory as any third tier underground British Heavy Metal record of it’s time, but the (dare I say?) charm of it lies in the fact that these guys ain’t too savvy on their instruments. The riffs are generic as hell, but they cut to the bone hard as the football Jersey sporting Warrington tries desperately to keep up. Producer Pete Way (of UFO) tries to mask all the unsightly holes in the sound with tons of reverb, but it’s a lost cause. And strangely, all the things I listed above are the reasons I pull this record out time and time again. As an artifact, it stands by itself in its timeframe. It would be four years down the road until anyone would have to suffer through the endless piles of shitty records Punks would make with dreams of zit faced No Cal longhairs moshing very clumsily in their heads. If anything, this is the record DYS wish they made in 1985 (and that’s saying a lot) From now ‘til the end of my time, it’ll be a fave to pull out to annoy, confuse and entertain the kids, which is the least I can say for (fill in this blank with whatever band is on your nerves this week)

Ta for now!

EVERYBODY WANNA GO TO HEAVEN, BUT NO ONE WANNA DIE...
I'm not sure if anyone still looks here for anything, but I figured it would be the easiest way to let the free world know one of my all-time favorite films is finally somewhat available. When and if it'll get to DVD, who knows...for now, here is a link to it in the unfanciest way possible...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3KlvT2kUwQ&feature=PlayList&p=08E9CEFBBBE30908&index=0&playnext=1


My best of '07 should be up on Terminal Boredom some time soon and maybe a few other things spread out here or there. I'll let ya know...

AUTUMN SOUNDS FOR THE PAINFULLY BONED (YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD JERK DOWN)

I wish I could tell ya I’m back and ready to strut through the doors of the local douche bag distillery with a cane in one hand and a tall boy of Steel Reserve in the next, but shit man, things will NEVER be that bad EVER AGAIN. While not running to this constantly dilapidating craptop to tell you about every hunk of vinyl people send me, I’ve been spending my time wisely…making extra money…shoving beer cans into chickens…watching the second season of ‘Twin Peaks’…shoving more beer cans into chickens (still don’t think I got it quite right)…working on my contribution to the ‘Anywhere, Anyhow’ book…and basically, chillin’…not paying attention to shit that don’t make me money and feeling better than I ever have in years. SO THERE…

I don’t really sit around and stew in my own filth and listen to records the way I used to. I think the only thing I listened to this week over and over again was Colin Blunstone’s ‘One Year’ and that’s about it and I’m pretty satisfied with it. New singles by obvious current favorites have been spinning every once in awhile. Government Warning’s ‘Arrested’ single manages to make the hair on the back of everything stand up listen after listen. Virginia Beach…O.C….what’s the diff? The title track is an anthem and a half. More pills for these kids toot sweet!!! Dry-Rot still makes me wonder with the latest ‘Subordinate’ 7” on Painkiller. A concept record of sorts on the subjects of submission and control with a filthy Void-core backdrop. I wonder what this band would do with a 12” canvas to spread their ideas on…Hmm…I wonder. I like that Uber single on the Professional Retard label too. Spanish duh-core never sounded so sweet. Pity that ODFX single went so quickly, but you didn’t deserve it any way…HA-CHA!!! That’s what you come here for, right? Abuse?

Oh yeah…I forgot…There were a few reasons I decided to swallow my pride and log on to this thing again. Firstly, for those who didn’t get a copy of the Swindle issue with my Detroit Hardcore piece in it, it’s available on line at their website. Here’s a non-fancy link to it –

http://swindlemagazine.com/issue12/detroit-hardcore/

Secondly, Olympia, Washington’s Sex/Vid will be rolling through the east coast and I am ACTUALLY GOING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE TO SEE THEM. Woah. They’re playing in Brooklyn at PassOut Records at 131 Grand Street in Williamsburg this Thursday (the 18th) sometime in the evening. The next day they’re playing in South Boston with Mind Eraser and then I think they’re off to Canada for the F’ed Up hoedown. Here’s unfancy link #2 to get you psyched up –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpFCQqi8VvY

And lastly, I will be playing records at the Destijl/Soft Abuse CMJ showcase this Thursday (the 18th) at the Cake Shop at 152 Ludlow between Stanton and Rivington on the Lower East Side of the Lower East Side Crew 7". Artists performing include Car Commercials, King Darves, Ed Askew and a host of others. Other DJ’s include Mike and Maya Bernstein (Heavy Tapes, Religious Knives, etc.) and Brian Turner (WFMU, ex- guitarist in Skinhead Youth) This shit will be FREE to the public and will start at 2PM. Plenty of time to check this out and boogie over to PassOut to check out Sex/Vid. Perfect…

O.K. That’s it…Back to YouTube for more ‘Peep Show’ and ‘Never Mind The Buzzcocks’.

NO BLOGGIN' 'ROUND HERE FOR A LONG, LONG TIME...

200LBU will be going on hiatus for a spell, due to something called the real world. Also, to be honest, I'm sorta sick of being the middleman between young innocent types and hipster vampires. As I scramble to sell records on eBay and take bucket after bucket of change down to the CoinStar, me thinks I'm owed some 'finders' fee' by some large indepedent label types. If you're half the gents you say you are, you'll send a grand or so to me via PayPal. If not...well all I can say is thanks for all the horrible promo CD's no record store will buy. Getting to hear promising new talent like the Silver Daggers or another 'totally great' Wooden Wand CD is all worth it.

And here we go again...I mean, does anyone really wanna read this crap over and over again? My bitter bitching has become a literal chore, something to entertain you and keep my finger in your pie. Fuck it. I'm out. Go read one of the blogs mentioned to the right and remember to 'stay relelvent'.

BEFORE SPEEDOS AND WEED, THERE WAS LICORICE PIZZA...

In those wide eyed, innocent days of pud pulling and record collecting, it was always a bright orange blast to find out there was some sorta artifact out there you'd never heard nor seen; a total holy grail (to put it in less wordy words) Back in said time, my pals and I always heard about some Black Flag 7" that wasn't available through the SST catolog and it was simply refered to as the 'Licorice Pizza' 7". The toddler trainspotter in me not only remembered seeing those two words at the bottom of alot of the Black Flag flyers my brothers' friend was sending him from L.A. (i.e. -- 'Tickets available from...') but I also recalled seeing some sign in the background of 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' that had those words printed on it. What can I say? I was a nerd as soon as I stepped outta my mommas' gut. I later found out via a back issue of Flipside or something that Licorice Pizza was a chain store in Southern California and the singles were given away free (Uh...what?) at certain Licorice Pizza locations prior to the 'Damaged' record coming out. That was a total mindblower to me at my age. I remember thinking,'Man, I gotta get myself out to California...they have record stores there that just GIVE AWAY Black Flag records!' Later on in life, I found out the meaning of the word 'promotion' and realized this wasn't some act of punk graciousness, but simply a decent way thought up by Unicorn and SST to drum up interest in an upcoming lp. Nonetheless, I had no idea what was on this record or how to get it, which of course made me want it even more. A little further down the line, I heard somewhere that the majority of these singles were simply THROWN AWAY by the Licorice Pizza franchise when the promotional scheme didn't pan out as planned. I remember thinking 'Man, I gotta get myself out to California...they have record stores out there that just THROW AWAY Black Flag records!' Eventually, someone (TDT maybe?) got a hold of one through a trade with a penpal and to say I was dissapointed would be an understatement. The thing had no picture sleeve and it was just live recordings of 'Life of Pain' and 'Thirsty & Miserable'. Is this what I was waiting so long to behold? Ech... I promptly killed my persuit for the record and moved on to even lamer prospects...

But the other day I ran across a cheap bootleg of the thing and I thought 'What The Hell?' and I gotta say I'm pretty stoked on it in my time of dying. Perhaps it's that the cover has my fave Flag stillshot of all time (The one where Dez-O looks like he's either got a bad rasta cap or a poorly knitted Afro wig on his dome) Perhaps it's that the thing really looks like a labor of love, complete with liner notes, pics of the original record and a BF interview from an old issue of Ripper. Or it could be that these tracks simply shred (If I may use some sixth grade lingo here) The Ginn/Cadena assault is in full force here and although Hank sounds parched, his voice sounds burly as hell. Check the weirdo phrasing on 'Thirsty and Miserable'. At the end of the single, they even chuck on an unearthed studio recording of Dez singing 'Spray Paint (The Walls)' If you ask for more, you're simply an asshole...

There's a certain record store in NYC that's on Thompson St. that has abuncha these things, and as I check out the internetting of my computer I see a website named Punk Utopia (good lord) has some ...

http://www.punkutopia.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Store_Code=P&Screen=PROD&Product_Code=7IN0139

So get this thing and get to skankin'....

For those who don't know, Oaklands' Never Healed performed on my radio show this week and simply KILLED it. Do yourself a favor and check it out on the WFMU archives. Thanks to those dudes and Charles for the board help.

And how the hell did I go about my life without knowing about these two awesome web presences?

http://cooldudequarterly.blogspot.com/

http://shit-fi.com/

Be sure not to burst into flames....

I POSE SO HARD, SOMETIMES I EVEN GET AXED TO MAKE LIMITED EDITION CDR'S -- HARDCORE TRIVIA ANSWERS!
Alright all you harder-than-hard Leslie Keffer fans…here’s the answers to the Hardcore trivia…just in time for AmeriKKKa’s burfday…Mosh it up you retards!



1) Dick & The Balls
2) Roger Dean
3) 18th Century Bulgarian Clog Dancing Hymns
4) Flash and The Pan
5) Short lived BB member Cedric the Entertainer. After lambasting Discharge singer Cal with numerous ‘Yo momma so fat’ jokes, Cal left the stage both disgusted and embarrassed. Apparently, his momma (or ‘mumma’) WAS so fat that the back of her neck DID looked like a package of hot dogs.
6) Disregard
7) The Begging Paupers (Tommy Rat era)
8) Pilsnick McNamara (Studio name -- Burlap Sam)
Susan Faludi (Studio name -- She-Who-You-Would-Not-Wanna-Fuck)
Studds Turkel (Studio name -- Bruce ‘Car Alarm Cock’ Froiderminn)
Gumbo MacKaye (Studio name -- Gumbo MacKaye)
9) John Watson/Jimmy the Russian/Keith CFA/Cedric the Entertainer/Roger Miret
10) ‘Beaver flash in Pennsyltucky’/’It was bald…just like Robo’

STILL CHECKING THE MATRIX AT AGE 34 -- IT'S HARDCORE TRIVIA TIME AGAIN! If you ever gotta hold of the 'print' edition of 200LBU #4, you might know I threw alittle Hardcore trivia on the back cover to seperate the true blue from the name droppers/checkers. I think it really did it's job, 'cause not only did no one send in a complete set of correct answers, but no one even noticed that I more or less ripped off the idea (and some of the questions) right out of Schism Fanzine. I guess it only goes to show you what Sonic Youth said was right, 'You Pose, You Lose'. By the way, if you don't know the band that originally had a song named 'You Pose, You Lose' and really think Sonic Youth came up with that song title on their own, please stop reading now.

Here's a small batch of questions to continue the fun. Feel free to send in your answers and any one who comes close or answers them all will win nothing but maybe my respect and perhaps a vinyl goodie or two. Dig in, pongo....

1) What was the side project of Violent Apathy that did reggae-fied versions of Negative Approach songs?
2) Who was originally supposed to do the cover artwork for the 'Process of Elimination' compilation?
3) On the title cut of their debut LP, SSD sing they will rise above through the strength of what musical style?
4) What band did the bass player of Tampere S.S. join after the bands' break-up?
5) What Bad Brains' member ended a Discharge set in mere minutes of them taking the stage at The Rock Hotel in '85? How did he actually do it?
6) Who did Vile open up for when they played their one and only show?
7) What infamous NYSEHC band shared a member with A.R.E. Weapons?
8) Who was Tesco Vee's backing band for the 'Dutch Hercules' 12"? (Please list both their real and 'studio' names)
9) List all the singers for Agnostic Front
10) How does the matrix read on the 1st pressing of the 1st Adolescents lp?

STAN KENTON HAS THE HARDEST MOSH PARTS

If you’re the type of fancy dude or dudette who constantly sips their soda with your pinky upturned, it’s more than likely you’ve hoid of Houston, Texas’ Susan Alcorn. The woman has played her pedal steel beside such high falootin’ types as Chris Cutler and Pauline Oliveros while harvesting praise from publications way more glossy than this virtual one. The Olde English Spelling Bee label has just released a super deluxe gate folded vinyl beauty of some of her solo pedal steel work entitled ‘And I Await (The Resurrection of the Pedal Steel Guitar)’ and it’s certainly the finest late night record we (me and the couch) have heard all year. Previous recordings I’ve heard of her were in a group setting and although they were pretty exhilarating, I didn’t really get a full grasp on what she was saying with her instrument. Stripped of the previous surroundings, Alcorn takes full advantage of her solitude and produces sounds from her instrument that poke and bubble and sit and breathe with intense pregnancy that can only come from someone who actually knows how to play her instrument. She certainly ain’t no noisenik cooking up a buncha bullshit so she can rub elbows at the next No Fun Fest, that’s for sure. Throughout the whole disc, the roots of the pedal steel that Alcorn has devoured playing in C&W pick-up bands throughout her hometown can be heard poking its’ head through all the (cough…splutter) ‘experimentation’. Has there been a bookend in weird pedal steel records since Red Rhode’s ‘Velvet Hammer In A Cowboy Band’? Can this be it? Cool! I’m glad we can agree on something….Rest assured, next time I drive that snaky stretch of 84 leading into Taos, I’ll have this seeping out of the rental car speakers to lead me directly into the sun that leads to oblivion.

P.S. -- Believe it or not, no drugs were taken in the making of this review.

To get this direct from OESB, contact them at -- obese@gmail.com

Fusetron’s got some copies too -- http://www.fusetronsound.com/

For more info on Susan Alcorn -- http://www.susanalcorn.com/

Also, if you’re in the NYC area tonight, check this out. Should be a happy good time -- http://walden.phpwebhosting.com/~stevek10/

I could write something real biting right now as a closing line and make it out like it's not directed at anyone in particular like I normally do, but I won't. Let's just say the farther I stay away from warehouses fulla trustfund kids being raped by Todd P, older losers dressed as the 'hipster weirdo' on 'Friends', and bands who play 50 times a month, the better...let's just say that. Hmm...maybe I shouldn't of said that. Oh well...

ANYONE WITH A BEER BOTTLE IN THEIR HAND WILL BE FUCKING KILLED ON SIGHT
TONIGHT JUNE 13TH
BLUES CONTROL (Personal friends of Choke on MySpace)
WARMER MILKS (From LeXXXington, Kentucky)
WEIRDING MODULE (Skinhead noise like the old days of The Anthrax)
NONHORSE (Yarn X Edge)
8 PM
Silent Barn 915 Wyckoff Ave, Ridgewood NYC L to Halsey or M to Myrtle/Wyckoff http://myspace.com/thesilentbarn

And for you non-NYC dwelling types (Lucky bastards) check out the Warmer Milks on tour as they put their fucking Straight Edge in your face….
June 14th @ Montague Bookmill in the fucking woods of Massatwoshits with XX MV/EE XX & XCharlambidesX (Matt Valentine = Harder than Mike Judge)
June 15th @ Twisted Village in the home of the Edge with SUNBURNED HAND OF THE MAN
June 16th in Baltimore most likely not with either Law & Order or The Bullocks
June 17th @ Whorehouse Next Door in the false home of the Edge
June 18th @ Twisted Branch in Charolttesville, Virginia with Neddy “Paint Cans” Oldham
June 19th @ Café Bourbon in Columbus (Café Bourbon…what a lame name for a club…how ‘bout Café Edge?)
Those kids will have merch out the ass for you…Hooded tank tops, CDR’s with X’s plastered all over ‘em, etc. Buy them all and stay On Edge….

200LBU TOP 10 As of Right Now…
1)The very existence of Mark Perry
2)’Grandma’s Boy’
3)The Cotton lp looking like a bad sXe record from the early 90’s
4)Violent Minds ‘Eyes of Death’ is out…REPEAT OUT!!!
5)Jim Ford
6)Pecca Records
7)The re-discovery of Quiver
8)Peace & quiet due to the filming of ‘Baby Daddy’ on my block (I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried)
9)D.Y.S interview in Forced Exposure #5
10)’What were you expecting? ‘B.J.’

HOW COME I'M STILL CONFUSED? -- AN AFTERNOON LISTEN TO DRY-ROT I'll spare you all some sorta silly piano intro and just say I think Santa Barbara's Dry Rot might be the most intriguing music group in America today. Their first seven song seven inch entitled 'Permission' was released sometime in the summer/fall area of last year and was utterly confusing. The first side consisted of six quick jabs that actually waranted the name checks of Void, Deep Wound and Child Abuse (The band from long ago who released a single on Mutha, not the pee-pee pants noise band from now) The other side was this real long jam that just sounded like a lost meander from 'Daydream Nation'. Was this the same record? Most who I played it to just shook their heads in question, but I was right there with them. I played the record over and over gazing into the lyric sheet that accompanyed the thing. Who are these guys with their bizarro, cryptic doodlings of fat old men barfing in peoples' faces? What kind of person would write lyrics like 'Don't touch me or I'll bite your fingers off!'? Why did they feel it was improtant to know the single was recorded the day after Hitler's 117th birthday? Even though I have touched base with a member or two of the band and I'm still left curious....


Then what comes in the mailbox yesterday but their new two song single on the Deer Healer label. Limited to 300, already long gone in it's one week in the virtual public eye known as the interweb...too bad suckers! This was the first in a long, long time that I was about to throw something on the turntable and not know what to expect. That was a good feeling. The A Side was a jam featuring a cameo by a member of Sublime (on sax) and the singers' dad on bass. It sounded like a very inept/simplistic (take your pick) take on 'The Great Gig In The Sky'. This was far from the world of puking old men drawings and finger biting. I actually listened to it again to make sure I heard it right. I've listened to it a few times since then and I'm still not sure if I did. The B Side was a perfect fit with me right off the bat. A weirder, more Psychedelic slowburner with random organ whirls poking in and out. The jam eventually erupts into a total freak-out throb that would scare the pants off anyone...even you over there with the turtleneck sweater and the leggings. To think what they might come up with on their next single (To be released on Painkiller) is making me hafta squegee my thoroughly handsome bald head every ten minutes. They'll be around the east coast in August to play, so hopefully I'll see ya there. Look out for me...I'll be the thoroughly ugly guy with the thoroughly handsome bald head.

I'm pretty sure Painkiller still has copies of the first single for sale. They might get a few copies of the new one in a few weeks...who knows? Check it out--

http://www.painkillerrecords.com/

WHO ME? ...I'M JUST GETTIN' MELLOW WITH MY MERKIN TO THIS COTTON CASSETTE... A few weeks back, the kids behind the Bone Tooth Horn cassette label gave me a big yellow sack fulla tapes they put out. All of it was truly twisted and I was more than happy they were kind enough to fork it along. But there was one tape in that bag that just didn’t jive with the rest of the mix. Where as the bulk of the tapes had me wandering in a tinned out basement full of sharp friendly objects, there was one outta the pack simply entitled ‘Cotton’ that made me think of that big ole house we used to have over on Nichol Ave. in Brunfess around ‘96. That was the house I self taught myself a musical history that was very abnormal for a kid who was jumping on kids heads just a few years before that. Sides by the likes of Mighty Baby, Little Feat, McKay, Help Yourself, Laramie, Quiver, The Sutherland Brothers, Cochise, Formerly Fat Harry, Gary Higgins, Poco, Brinsley Schwarz, Red Television and many other mellow beardos spun as I smoked more and more grass and wished I had a denim couch. What clicked between me and those easy sounds I cannot put my finger on even to this day. All I know is it sounded right at the time (still does I guess) and it pissed the shit out of every member of Lifetime who’d come over to buy pot…so it must have had SOMETHING going for it… Rest assured, if I had any jams by this mystery band who called themselves Cotton back then, they would have been rocked for sure.

After abit more digging, I found out Cotton were a unit out of Fayetteville, Arkansas in the late seventies. Much like the fore mentioned McKay, they were stuck in the middle of America with a love for the laid back Laurel Canyon sound, but luckily held limited resources to recreate those overblown affairs. Much like the limeys who fell in love with the same sounds, Cottons’ melodious ways come off both subtle and skewed. As a matter of fact, the vibe on a lot of this reminds me of that unreleased Help Yourself album from ’73 that was eventually…uh…released on CD by Hux a few years back. Here’s to Kevin at Bone Tooth Horn for getting this out to the masses and here’s to anyone who can score me a copy of this actual LP. Could it be you? Could it? For more info on Cotton, check this out --http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=473333

Huh…just took a look at the BTH site and it sez this particular title is sold out, but I’m sure if you beg nicely, something could be done... Get in touch here -- http://www.geocities.com/bonetoothhorn/

Until then, all I gotta say is bar….bar…bar…barba…barbeque!

YEAH...PRETTY MUCH WHAT THAT GUY SAID...

A SOUNDTRACK WHILE YOU PERFECT YOUR KEGSTAND FOR NO FUN... Let it be known Highland Park, New Jersey's (and future DeStijl recording artist) King Darves will be showing up on my radio show tonight/this morning to strum and spin. Shit airs 2 am to 6 am est at www.wfmu.org. For those with jobs and lives, the show will be archived for future pleasure. Enjoy...

Also, I guess I should also let it be known I'll be DJing the opening night of No Fun Fest tomorrow. What I'll play...I really don't know, but I'm sure it'll be shitty. Come up and say 'Hi'. I might be in a good mood depending on what kinda candy you got. If you gotta Take 5 bar, I'm all yours...

I BLAME SOCIETY AND BANDS LIKE FEATHERS FOR MY ACTIONS...PLEASE ARREST BOTH
Jesus Christ…the amount of seven inches I’ve accumulated in the past year is sorta puzzling. I don’t think I’ve been this single crazy since my short pants daze. I won’t get into my usual tail chasing of trying to figure out ‘why’, I’ll just talk about them and you can buy them if you want. What can I say? I’m a great guy. Buy me a drink next time you see me.


ImperialiSt Pigs are a unit I feel pretty stupid not knowing anything about up until now. Containing a pre-Poison Idea Tom Roberts (A.K.A. Pig Champion), they existed in Portland in the very early 80’s way before ole Piggy would start making late night phone calls to The Fix’s Steve Miller. This single of recently unearthed recordings of the band entitled ‘Corkscrew Porksword’ is real fucking intriguing. Obviously some of the early L.A. proto-core singles were making their way down the pike to Oregon at the time, ‘cause you could pretty much tag this as some lost ‘Bloodstains’ gem if you were blindfolded and force fed carpet samples. To make the situation even more confusing, it seems this has been released on the recently re-erected (duh) Fatal Erection label, home of all the early P.I. sides. Huh… By the by, lyrics about molesting children and sperm facials noted and accounted for.



The beardos over at the Black Velvet Fuckere label just dropped this pretty boss single by The Touched. The details on who exactly these jokers are is pretty slim, but taken at face value, it’s a pretty potent glob of warped garage rock. The vocalist has a cool non-Biafra warble to his delivery and the whole thing sounds like it was recorded at the bottom of a flooded well. One of the guys in the band is grabbing his crotch on the cover and I find that very endearing for some reason at the present moment. So heed this recommendation before my mood dips back into asshole mode…


One of my favorites outta all these little records I’ve done gotten lately has been this eight songer from Albany, New York’s Acid Reflux. This record is yet more proof that ’retro’ is nothing more than a five letter word made up by assholes who’d rather sniff each others’ butts than remove their brains outta their bread bin. Trust me, I’m the last motherfucker who wants to relive the days of ‘goof core’ (If you had to sit through Adrenalin O.D. as much I did, you’d feel the same way) but for some reason, the combination of this units’ blinding thrash and completely retarded lyrics has made me more than happy to be alive the past few days. Songs like ‘Do Your Parents Know You’re A Ramone?’ and ‘Oh Good, There’s An Applebees’ make me wanna throw my head outta my bedroom window and feel the whiz of stray bullets around my head more so than any Frederic Rzewski or Miller Anderson record I’ve played today (Nothing against either gent, of course) Hey, the same crap that was happening THEN is happening NOW, so why not party and scream in the abstract face of total shitdom? Right? Darn tootin’ you know I’m right. Where was I again? Oh yeah…put down that phony fucking hippy bullshit record and buy this from the totally estimable No Way imprint.


I got another single from Cleveland’s Midnight. There’s some sorta big story around them I’m sure. I know they have some connections with Boulder or some sorta horseshit. All I know is this new single of theirs “Midnight Slay The Spits’ is a record I like to play nice and loud like when the neighborhood kids are outside playing with stolen wheelchairs and weapons. The opening track, ‘Nuclear Bomb’, is like some unholy hybrid of the first few singles on both the No Future and Rip Off labels. The rest of the tracks are no slouches themselves, but that one…whew, it’s both a scorcher and a keeper. Stupidly limited with a total cheapo cover, this is the kinda stuff that gives me the hope I need to put on matching socks in the morning.

Like a complete Growing fan (i.e. -- a faggot) I totally missed Italy’s Out With A Bang when they bombarded our country with B.O. and drugs a month back. What can I say? I was too busy mellowing out in the hills of Taos while they installed the hot tub in my crystal mansion, O.K.? Luckily I scored a copy of the e.p. they released to coincide with the tour with the oh-so-endearing title ’Few Beers Left, But Out of Drugs’. This record ups the ante of the previous release in a no-nose holes-barred barrage of frenzied Punkin’ with the brains removed (of course). You remember those reviews Pushead used to write in the old issues of MRR? Well, obviously I do too… Would these guys be offended if I said they reminded me of those first two Yah Mos singles? The Yah Mos? Where the hell did that come from? How do I remember them? Yeez, these seven inches are worse than seeing an old girlfriend…Drudging up memories (maybe) best left in the crawlspaces of the brain. Anywhos…


California’s Shoot It Up are always having their name bandied about by the hip young Punker kids I invite over for candy and drugs, but I was too busy trying to play them my King Crimson live CD’s to really pay that much attention. This new six song e.p. of theirs really makes me feel like a stupe for not paying attention sooner. Yeah, yeah, yeah…those same three chords will always sound ’timeless’ when recorded into a tape recorder with some guy squealing over it, but the fact these guys have the nerve to release this on vinyl is enough reason to fly over there and give ‘em all syringes fulla boat cleaner free of charge. This goes beyond the realm of obnoxious punk into something that both pleases and frightens me at the same time. The day someone with the name of Oscillating Gizzards or whatever can do the same, I’ll eat a fat free smoothie.

You can acquire most of this shizz from the kids at No Way, Check ’em out here --
http://www.nowayrecords.com/

Now let me die in peace…

UNLIKE BILLY RUBIN, I'D RATHER DO WHAT YOU TOTALLY EXPECT...

Straight up, the post office in my 'hood sucks dog dick for nickles. The other day I came home from work to find a parcel of compact discs shoved through the tiny mail slot with no fucking regard that there might be something of actual worth in there. Most of the time though, there ain't nothing of actual worth in those puffy envelopes, so I don't mind. Just more crappy promo CD's from major indies of shit I wouldn't play in the earhole of the nearest dead relative. But this padded manila held the newest jam from Allentown, Pa's Air Conditioning, something I actually wanted to take time out of my Henry Cow appreciation time to listen to. Luckily, the actual disc (entitled 'Dead Rails' and released on the Load label) and it's guts were left unscathed by the mailman's meanie paws and I gotta chance to preview the shit. The cover comes off like an homage to 'The Land Of Rape & Honey' and I got no qualms with that. Memories of roaring up the Pennsylvania turnpike blasting 'Stigmata' have been suppressed far too long! The rest of the booklet is stuffed fulla pitchers of burning homes and other such suburban vacancies that provide a very wise window into the world that surrounds the boys and visa versa. What does it actually sound like you axe me? Well, first off, FUCK YOU...don't speak to me that way. I'm a grown man and I deserve respect. But anyways...I'd say it sounds like A.C. are gonna hafta finally accept their unwanted crown as the finest heavy Psych band in our country...maybe the world? Opening track, 'Where To Litter/Trash Burning' is kinda what I expected from that Bad Trips record, but didn't get. Loud sounds roaring to be released from a tight, smokey space. Is this what it would of sounded like if Monoshock had heard Breakdown? Hmm... For some fucking reason, the vocal ranting of Robert Jurgensen poking through the din on 'Conclusions/Concussions' reminds me of lady Crass rantings ala 'Shaved Women'...Much like the Ministry memory mentioned above, nothing to be ashamed of. A quick moment of head slung atmospherics entitled 'I Run Low' acts as a breather and a bridge to the disc closing 'Accept Your Paralysis/Cephalexin', another chunker that makes my too-much-time brain swim in reams of unpublished/unpublishable/unformed thoughts on the subject of '74 era Hawkwind winding up at CB's in '88 on a Sunday afternoon. Yeesh...what a thought! Yeah, so most things these days that are described as being noisy/slow/sludgy/etc. make me wanna produce something noisy/slow/sludgy into the nearest commode. This does not... Hopefully that statement means something to you. If it does, great. If it don't, whatever. Nonetheless, I will be eating tuna noodle in five minutes and you won't.

Most Load titles are available through your local hip record shop, but if you feel the need to load (heh heh) Ben's pockets on a one on one basis, go to -- http://www.loadrecords.com/bands/airconditioning.html

Until then...bleech....

HEY! RECORD THIEF! THESE GUYS JUST WANNA TALK TO YOU...I SWEAR... A large chunk of my record collection was stolen while in storage. Anyone who knows the whereabouts of these records and/or wanna break the kneecaps of the thief and/or would like to donate these records to 'the cause' (ha ho) please get in touch --


Six Organs of Admittance - 1st lp/Hackamore Brick - ‘One Kiss Leads To Another’ lp/Human Instinct boxset/Billy TKs’ Powerhouse lp/Dreamies lp/Negative Approach - ‘Live Your Life For You’ bootleg lp/Edgar Broughton Band - all lp’s/Yod 13 CD boxset/Sonny Sharrock - ‘Black Woman’ lp/David Ackles - 1st lp/Sapphire-lp on Sound At One/NNCK - ‘Live at Kens Electric Lake’ 2lp/NNCK - ‘The Clearing’ 7”/1st K Salvatore lp/Bridget St. John - ‘Ask Me No Questions’ lp…


…There’s probably tons more, but these are the few I noticed missing right away…Maybe it’s for the best…I just would of sold them anyway. At the present time, most music sickens my stomach if it isn’t The Sandpipers or Antioch Arrow. As it gets warmer outside, more assholes are outside my window stabbing one another for soda money and doing retarded dances. I grow disgustingly bitter and wanna get out of the city. Happy Spring!