Sunday, July 09, 2006

WOULD YOU TRUST THIS MAN WITH YOUR OSCAR? I DIDN'T THINK SO... Above -- Ben Chasny relaxs in the backyard of famous Pornstar Seymore Butts before shooting his cameo for 'Sex Organs Of Admittance -- Get Your Freak Folk On...'

I look around at the piles of dirty socks and empty boxes of smokes on the floor. The other half of the double bed is a pile of old fanzines and mustard bottles. About twenty times a day I think I should get my act together and become an actual fucking adult. But just when the upstanding gentleman in me starts to take over, the phone rings and some sorta codger is yapping down the line to me about his dogs’ eating habits and tales of amps being traded for dope money and I sit there in rapt attention while ants crawl out of my laptop. I know I sound like a broken record, but I gotta say it’s a sad though interesting existence. People are nice enough to send records and they just sit there while piles of Dubstep 12”s’ are purchased and ‘Blue Letter’ gets played over and over again. But I took the time to listen to this Velveeta Heartbreak single that came in the post the other day. The A Side is a good enough lo-fi faux glam rave-up. This Michael Bowman character (A.K.A. The V.H.) is most likely some sorta Pop prince, so he might not understand I’m praising him when I say the riff that drives this track sounds like a leftover from ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll All Over’. But I’m praising you man…trust me. The B Side is a sorta sappy piano jam about the death of a Wilson brother that kinda mad me uncomfortable in the same way a weeping man on the corner does. Yikes. Nonetheless, ‘E’ for effort and all that. Get a copy at --

Zac ‘Mild’ Davis unloaded a crapload of stuff on his Maim & Disfigure label on me awhile back and I never talked about it. I’m a dick and many people can attest to this. The majority of it was stuff by his bombastic Blast!-meets-Blue Humans power trio Lambsbread and all that shit kills, no doubt. But my fave amongst the lot was a solo jam from Zac that he calls Sky Juice. The CDR he passed off was entitled ‘Live At Brokeback Bridge’ and it’s a disorienting, low budget stew of Melvins riffage, loner/stoner folk and basic fuckedness. The boys’ not right and that’s why I think I might have had some drunken one night stand in Ohio when I was 10. It coulda happened! But one look at the handsome laddie will tell ya I had no hand in the doing of his making. Wait..wasn’t I supposed to be talking about a CDR or something? Oh yeah, so this Sky Juice jam, like all the Lambsbread jams, is available through Maim & Disfigure. Give Zac some time to recharge and have some juice and he’ll send out your shit post haste.

Alotta man bitches like to talk shit, but then they realize ‘Gilmore Girls’ is off the air and they tie their shoes. Those types won’t be diggin’ the roar of this Violent Minds CD recently released on the Parts Unknown label. This sucker collects both the 7”s’ they released in 2004 and a cut off the ’Town of Hardcore’ 7” comp from the same time. All eight minutes of it bring to mind The Abused, Blitz, Negative Approach and Court Martial. Can you ask for more? Well, in the next month or so their full length entitled ’Eyes of Death’ will be out. Is that enough? How about this quote about V.M. from Don Rettman himself?. -- ’I guess Pig Champion didn’t die in vain!’ What else do you want? RIOT! RIOT! 1200 Pound Gorilla approved.

Can anyone get enough Afternoon Penis? I for one cannot. I can take it anytime, anywhere. A new A.P. jam entitled ‘Up All Night’ is out on the Our Mouth imprint and it’s a ramshackle, raw percussion jam for all those who enjoy long toilet breaks and giving out cigarettes. Lotsa hip shakin’ homemade beats rise outta all the whining feedback and make me night dream about Nasty Nate doing a collabo with either Skream or Mick Fleetwood. I’m still not sure yet. Get your copy from the Fusetron empire or from Nate directly at

There’s tons of other stuff that gives me a charge these days, but it sure ain’t music. Sleeping in my own filth, drinking Blue Moons, plotting revenge, staring at walls…these are the things that fuel me to occasionally lift a lip. Oh yeah, there’s also both of those Digital Mystikz 12”s’ that just came out on Soul Jazz. Buy that shit if you’re not too much of a mouth breather. If I only I could find a publication to fund my trip to South London to see this team in action so’s I could lose control of my ‘number two’ functions in the most dignified way possible. I’m sure with the right sound system, this shit makes Deathpile sound like Juan Denver in comparison. Why am I such a jerk? Because I’m fat, bitter and never been loved. I thought you knew that already.. Get both these twelves from Forced Exposure and tell ‘em no one sent you.

Next time, they might be an interview with a mystery guest….there might be more reviews…there might be more pathetic bellyaching…Hey, who knows? I’m not in control here. See you on the corner of 7th and A….


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meatraffle said...

cue Diva Bensley:

eliana said...

I wouldn't say "never"...And stop smoking.