Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I'M BACK SLEEPING OR FARTING OR SOMETHING (ALL YOU EMO KIDS WHO GOT THAT REFERENCE, TRADE ME THE NOT FOR THE LACK OF TRYING DEMO ASAP) Do you know how many times I've gotten this far? Went to the 'create post' screen, picked out some silly photo, threw it up there and just stopped. Didn't even get as far as staring into a blank screen. It seemed almost immediatly I would think "This is fucking is this going to get me money, drugs or pussy?" It was then I 'd retire to my bucket of Crown Fried Chicken and wallow in a pool of poultry grease and self loathing. But it was fun while it me sick, call me twisted (just don't call me late for dinner!) but there's something really beautiful and therapuetic in the act of renting bad movies and chronic scratching. Some told me I was crossing over into real 'Carl' territory for awhile there, but I think I'm back for now. It wasn't all totally pointless....The local Crown gave me a free bucket of chicken for that endoresement a few sentences back, so that's cool...

So what have I been listening to inbetween repeated watchings of 'Little Man' and walks to the store to get smokes? Let's go through this pile on the floor and take a look.... Although every fucking promotional blurb for this new 'Best Of/Retrospective' Josef K thing (entitled 'Entomology') would make the average blood pumper wanna wretch a pretty stream of blue ('For Fans of Franz Ferdinand') you can't deny the jams still sound real good. Shit man, do you remember when you could enjoy a good herky-jerky limey beat without some college grad mentioning some new school group of aqua net users? Those were good times...But one keen earfull of these Scots is all I need to watch the goggle glassed throngs blast away on a cloud of fart dust kicked up by whatever 'free folk' unit they're hyping this week. See you on the pages of Pitchfork assholes! You get all the gloomy hits from the Postcard releases (It's Kinda Funny', 'Forever Drone' ,and my personal fave, 'Heart of Song') and a throng of tunes from the always rumoured, never hoid 'rejecteted' 'Sorry For Laughing' lp. Tacked onto the end is their last Peel Session, which yields a confusing cover of Alice Coopers' 'Applebush' that makes me love these sad widdle boys that much more. I can't really remember any other re-issues that came out this year (I guess I'm still having some 'Carl' moments at this date) so for now, I'll say this is my 're-issue of the year' and be done with it and wait for Domino to send me a bucket of flan for this endoresement.

My boys in Philadelphia, Violent Students, have just done up a brand new spankin' CD-EP on their own Richie Records named 'Street Banger' and I encourage the purchase of it for the simple reason they hold compromising photos of me weeping in a pair of tighty whities while a copy of 'Tapestry' can be seen vividly spinning in the background. I love these boys so much, that I will personally make sure their long awaited opus 'Towelhead' will see release before the end of the year on a label that does packaging that looks strangely like this 'Street Banger' CD. Hmmm....

Also based outta Philly is that there Meg Baird who you might know from the Espers band. Her solo two song single goes by too damn quick for it's own good as far as this ole fat bottomed squirrel's opinion goes. The cover of my favorite Fraser and Debolt song is like some weird message from a satelite that runs on fried food and Yuengling that this thing had to have a home here in Classon Castle. Apparently, this single should be treated as some sorta 'teaser' to the upcoming full length to be released by Meg in the new year. Consider me teased. Hopefully filthy Tonya Vodges still has some floating around his Tequila Sunrise fortress. Contact the ole boy here and find out --

A few months ago, in a fog of double chins and wooded wangs, someone handed me a personalized package of sounds that I thought was real sweet. The look and feel of the object just shreiked care, and I was touched. That was until I threw the thing into the disc player. After listening to it, I felt 'touched' in a different way. Since I'm the type who showers in a wetsuit, I can't really point to the spot on the doll where I feel 'touched', but trust me, it's there. Did I hear someone go to the bathroom? Did someone just half assly quote 'All Cried Out' by Lisa Lisa? Why are a bunch of crazy bitches telling random bad jokes on top of one another? ..And it begins again. The CD-R is question is 'The Lexie Mountain Boys Play Sexy Fountain Music' by the Lexie Mountain Boys and it can be obtained at --

I can't help but look at the cover of this Never Healed 12" and think it looks like the soundtrack for 'The Blair Witch Project III -- The Search for Curley's Release demo', but I gotta say the thing kicks ass. Imagine if Rorschach drank and fucked more and listened to Motorhead instead of Slayer. This group of Northern Cali kids get the goat moving when all it wants to do is eat cans. Apparently a fuckload of these were damaged when someone told Frich Slappendorf (CEO of Parts Unknown, the label that released this album) there was a copy of the Pratt lp hidden somewhere in the shipping. So you know what that supplies of modern Hardcore at rock bottom prices on eBay! Ha-cha! Whoever scores me one of those Never Healed/Violent Minds split singles first will get constant mentions in my writings for years to come! No flan required! Just score me that record! For now, send your money to Parts Unknown and Crazy Jay will send you a copy in the next year or so --

Alright, that's more than enough. Hopefully I'll come back before the year is out and talk about the Skream lp and other shitte. For now, to join in with the big boys in webtastic functions, please take part in 200LBU's 'Best of '06' polls. Post your ballots in the comments section. Tanx!

BEST TELEVISION SPECIAL OF 2006 -- A) Scott Walker and Clay Aiken -- A Mother and Son Reunion Live From New York B) 'A Very John Allen Christmas' Christmas Special C) 'American Pioneers of the 20th Century -- Sid Sludge'

>BEST BAND OF 2006 -- A) The Sandpipers B) The Byrds C) Fucked Up

> BEST SHOW OF 2006 -- A) Two dudes at bar during Magik Markers set at Northsix B) Max Eisenberg appearence at Bernstein/Miller wedding C) Dancefloor inbetween XO4 and Blues Control last Friday night

BEST RECORD COVER OF 2006 -- A) Donna Roitminn - 'Harshing My Mellotron' B) Mouthus - 'I Trust My Cock, Etc. (i.e. -- Balls)' C) Lambsbread - 'Water Damage'

If you have any other 'honorable mentions' for 2006 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE submit them (to me) P.S. -- Co - written by the beloved Grimace...


d*rettman said...

…you’re welcome…

Russ said...

Dance Party: Rubbed Raw @ Raven's Den
Round Table: DIB
Mix Tape: Face Melting Riffs
Record Store: Plan 9
Margarita: Daytona Beach Hilton Pelican Bar
Yugo Rock: Yu Grupa
Ryan Taylorism: Tony Danza

Anonymous said...

best wedding guest ever: