Sometimes when I'm bored, I will still listen to new music and try to evaluate it. I find the task to be mind numbing and pointless. Who cares what I think and why should I write about the few records I purchase these days? I'd rather sit here and ponder on the second season of '30 Rock' now that it's on DVD and wonder why Tracy Morgans' character seems so called in and distant from how great it was in the first season. Just mutterings of stupid sayings and catch phrases. I'm not saying the whole shebang is a dud. Quite the opposite, but it just don't feel like the first time, Mr. Foreigner. We all know second seasons are hard to work with, just like second albums. You're expected to top your first offering whether or not it blew the roof off the sucker. I read a quote once by Bruce Springsteen that read something about how easy it is to create when no one is paying attention and you're wishing they were. When 'they' are paying attention, you wish they weren't so you wouldn't be so hung up on pleasing 'them'. Who knew the king of the boss liquid was so plugged in. I wonder if he said that before or after losing his 45 of 'Mountain of Love' in Landaus' bunghole. Oh my! Snarky rock critic references! I certainly have come full circle to eat my own tail, haven't I? Anywhos, I guess some people got their second album right; so right it muted the first one out of the water. Let's see....there's 'Traffic' by Traffic...'Put The Music in it's Coffin'...'Bryter Layter'...I'm sure there's more, but I got a bucket of chicken in front of me I wanna dig into.
I'm old and slow and I just gotta hold of the second seven inch by Swinehood from Sweden and it certainly don't go up in the leagues of the records mentioned above (I'm not that bored...c'mon) but I played it more than twice and contemplated bringing it along when I was asked to D.J. a wine and cheese party Mind Eraser played the other week. Internetting tells me there is some sorta Brainbombs connection here, which would totally thrill me if I got into Hardcore through Floorpunch and just discovered saying the 'N' word can make me feel real naughty. Shit...will I be this nasty when 'the kids' finally pick up a copy of 'Child is Father to the Man' in a dollar bin? Hmm....hopefully by then I'll be too submerged in a fog of sausage makers and the green, green grass of home to care. We'll see. But yeah, this Swinehood stuff sounds pretty legit in it's nasty ass sound. It's hard not to sound studied when playing mean spirited Punk Rock in 2008 (I just discovered that fact actually!) but the shit's got the same feel as that Brainbombs stuff. Not necessarily in sound, but in the 'I think these guys might be serious' feeling that shot down your spinal column the first time you heard 'Lipstick on my Cock' or maybe even 'Megan's Gyspy Eyes' (totally unrelated I know, but the Koop pays me a saw buck a mention if ya didn't know) They/he/whoever is Swinehood gots a new seven inch out, but I haven't got a hold of it. I MySpaced the fucker asking how to get a hold of it and he ignored me like the sellout hippy I am. Eh...I'm sure it'll show up in two years time in someones' distro here in the states while I'm trying to stuff a rabbit into a sausage maker. I'll never know the ending!
Alot of words and phrases get thrown around these days...'Maverick'...'Hockey Mom'...and, most of all, 'Shit-Fi'. As a fan of some of the lousiest Hardcore recordings of the eighties, I'm down with appreciating the sound that has been so easily sown up into a catch phrase, but I think something's got lost along the way. I severely doubt when the Shitlickers or State Children walked into the studio on that fateful day they actually came out and said to the engineer 'Yeah...could you make us sound as lousy as possible? Could you replace that drum set with wet cardboard and tin foil? Oh yeah...also...could you stick a switchblade into my guitar amp's cones? Thank you so much' These recordings were done on the cheap 'cause these guys hadda lack of coin due to cider addiction and other such things. If they had the chance, I'm sure they would of wanted it to sound like a million bucks. For a generation of people who have got the full Lama discography downloaded to their laptop to 'try' to sound shitty is gross to me. This is obviously not a diss towards the website or that Stuart guy or anything like that, so please stop right there.This is just an observation of some shit I have listened to recently when I've been down at the local teen post selling outdated Juji Fruit to ClockCleaner fans, OK? There's no way you can stop the kids, so let 'em ape everything instead of getting gnarly and inventing some new game to fuck up the oldsters. If they're gonna ape anything, why don't they dig on this Van Sac single some nice person did up recently. Apparently this was a demo of some post Anti-Cimex thing from '86 that the Distort label outta Wallington, New Jersey (what?!?) found in a dustbin somewhere and decided more people needed to hear it. Wow...wudda noble effort. As expected, it's total Discharge worship recorded real shitty, which is worth at least five bucks anyway you slice it, but the thing I find real intriguing here is the vocalist who sounds like some drunk off the street making up words as he goes along. Whenever his brain is dry, he just lets out a string of laughter. Twisted beyond the usual 'D-Beat' stuff (my teeth grit as I type that phrase) of both the past and present, this is one to reinstate some faith in turd recording. Only 200 pressed apparently, so jump on it you sexy mouth breather, you.
Damn, this is going on for awhile! Kinda wish I ate that chicken before I started on this...Speaking of studied, I got this Obliteration seven inch sitting here too. Now, before I start, I want you to know when I say 'studied', it's not a bad thing. Personally, I always thought it was how you studied that made the difference. You can be a nerd and ask alotta questions and get things down pat and buy a shitload of expensive records and ask more questions and then think you now know exactly where to put a distorted bass break or a violin scrape or whatever. Or...you could just buy the expensive records, listen to them, absorb them for a year or two and let it fly. That's considered studying too, ya know. It's the difference between Matt Valentine or No Neck....Wooden Wand or Chasny...lemme stop before someone threatens me to a slap fight. So, Obliteration is some members of some big named current Hardcore bands doing up their BritCore tribute, complete with a shitty xeroxed sleeve (there's two to choose from!) and song titles like 'Fascist System' and 'Megatons'. Yeah, it's pretty over the top, but when it boils right down to it...fuck it...it sounds choice. Echoed-out vocals, power mower guitar sound..you know the drill. It still seems weird to me that someone has to make a record like this; a record that looks and sounds a certain way. At one point in time, people just put out records like this, period. Do you get my drift? Nonetheless, I'm glad someone is putting out a record that looks and sounds like this. I dig it and that is that.
OK...I can't take it anymore. I need to eat this chicken. Everyone buy the Radio Silence book and don't listen to anything I write or say. I'm a just a handsome dude who is never content and flies off the handle too much over shit he claims he doesn't care about. I could go on more about bands I've never heard and how much I hate them, but again...I got the chicken here...
Props to those who wish this was a joke....
