200 POUND UNDERGROUND

THE DAY I FOUND OUT THERE WAS MORE TO THE INTERNET THAN PORN WAS THE FIRST DAY I TRUELY KNEW PAIN...




So sorry for the lapse in correspondence, but I actually have to pay bills and eat cheeseburgers and get through this awesome third season of ‘Black Books’ and take muscle relaxants and all such business. Sometimes, when I’m in the wonderfully foggy magic moment of a waking medicated dream, I imagine a lovely English country row full of green and mist. I walk stridently down the row unencumbered by normal, everyday shackles and seem to be….like….happy. It’s then I stumble upon a record shop (or ‘shoppe‘) that fits all the American stereotypes of quaint Englishness. Cobblestone tea coseys and all such bizz. It’s just then I usually awake to cries of ‘YOU A FAGGOT ASS NIGGA!!!’ coming through my bedroom window. It’s then I get up, eat a pot of buttered noodles and try to forget mostly everything, including the dream. Something tells me if the dream continued, I would walk into that record store to find either a too tight Uniform Choice shirt or a nice vinyl copy of Keith Cross and Peter Ross’ ‘Bored Civilians’ album. Either way, I’d be something of a winner. Some of you hardnosed Prog rockers might know Keith Cross as a member of T2, who put out that monster LP, ‘It’ll All Work Out In Boomtown’ on Decca in 1970. Some will know him as the guy who tried to screw your mother. Whatever. A couple of years after T2, Cross teamed up with Richard Thompson sidekick Peter Ross to do up the ‘Bored Civilians’ album. Those who like to take it free and easy in the countryside of their living room will take to this like ducks to duck sauce. English pastoral grooves that’ll please anyone whose ever dreamed of waking up at Headley Grange with a head fulla cheese and pills. Dig that cover of Fotheringay’s ‘Peace In The End’! And check out the line-up on here….Nick Lowe! Billy Rankin! Dee Murray! Jimmy Hastings! I know these names mean nothing to you noise helmos, but one day you’ll understand. And that gives me enough warm fuzzy to get through another painful fucking day…that and this CD re-issue of the above mentioned record. Si-Wan in Korea re-issued this awhile back…dunno if they still got it. If you wanna take the chance, go to their website - http://www.siwan.co.kr/. By the way, I could care less if you don’t understand one word of what I wrote. Get on the bus or get on your bike, fruit loop.




And now I’ll talk more shit…The summer disastour to end all summer disastours will start this weekend. Those infamous cheesecake warriors The Magik Markers will take off to the west coast with the new breed of real deal miscreants, Ohio’s Lambsbread. Here be the dates…be sure to be there and to bring lots of pills. Those kids can eat the hell outta some pills…

6-16 - Brooklyn, NY - Syrup Room 6-17 - New York, NY - Tonic 6-18 - Philadelphia, PA - TBA 6 -19 - Columbus, OH - Skylab Gallery 6-20 - Cleveland, OH - The Church 6-21 - Chicago, IL - Empty Bottle 6-22 - Iowa City, IA - Hall Mall 6-23 - Minneapolis, MN - TBA 6-24 - Minneapolis, MN - TBA 6-25 - Minneapolis, MN - TBA 6-26 - St. Louis, MO - Spooky Action Palace 6-27 - Kansas City, MO - Record Bar 6-28 - Oklahoma City, OK - TBA 6-29 - Denton, TX - Rubber Gloves 6-30 - Houston, TX - Proletariat 7-1 - San Antonio, TX - The Lounge
7-2 - Austin, TX - Emo’s 7-5 - Los Angeles, CA - The Smell 7-6 - San Francisco, CA - Hemlock Tavern 7-7 - Eureka, CA - Synapsis 7-8 - Portland, OR - Towne Lounge 7-9 - Seattle, WA - Gallery 1412






…And then those kids in Awesome Color are going on tour with those pros in Sonic Youth. Anyone else out there think that new SY disc looks like an homage to the Necros ‘Sex Drive’ single? Is it just me? Hello? Christ, I’m a loser…Anywhos, this Friday (6/16) will be the record release/tour farewell party for the A.C. (The CD on Ecstatic Peace comes out today) Brooklyn cavemen Mouthus will also be playing and some asshole will play some records before and after them. Some other nice person will play records for the rest of the night. Guess which one’s which and I’ll buy you a beer. I’ll be the asshole in the too tight Uniform Choice shirt. The show is at the Cakeshop, located at 152 Ludlow on the (formerly) Lower East Side.
I hope that’s enough. You don’t know how difficult it is to do this shit…and I’m not just saying that to impress you…