MY TOP TEN OF 2006 INCLUDES BOTH ME AND YOU DEAD... PLEASE FILL IN THE OTHER EIGHT SLOTS YOURSELF... Above -- Yet another shot from the 200LBU Holidaze party. Ricky belts out a heart wilting rendition of 'Too Deep Until Now' by Chain of Strength via karoke.

For those who care about that sort of thing, my fave crap of '06 can be found over at the FMU and Ecstatic Peace sites. I'll put links to it at the bottom of the post. Dig on it you sexy things, you. Since this was such a bonny year for music, there was a few things I totally forgot about when I scrawled down these pointless lists in an indecipherable scrawl (Praise be to Saint Laughner) Colossal Yes was played so many friggin' times around the Classon castle that it was sorta forgotten when it came time to make these lists. It's crawled into the walls like a cute dead squirrel whose stink smells like a scented candle from the classiest painted wagon in the nicest mall in New Jersey. I gotta copy of 'Tumbleweed Connection' hidden in my ascot and I'm not afriad to show it. Neither does Mr. Yes. I wanna hear more of these jams, but I want them to sound like Glyn Johns produced the fucker, not some hack from the early nineties. Shit...did I say that out loud? Gotta stop doing that...should make that a resolution for the new year ahead or whatever...

And another I forgot to list was Boxcutter's 'Oneiric' jam on Planet Mu. Mr. Barry Lynn made (to me) the only sit-throughable electronic groove full length of the year. As much as I love all these cwazy 12" singles I've accumulated throughout the year (Big up to Chamberweed and Dr. Don Cream for hipping me to alot of them) I gotta say when these Dubstep/Whatever cats shoot out a full length of the shit, I'm bored within the first fifteen minutes or so. It's not their fault though. Much like early Hardcore, the stuff's only good in short spurts when you're rockin' it at home. When you're out and about and within a crowd, it's a total different story. Or that could just be me. But I've spun this 'Oneiric' thing more than a few times and it still sends ice cold razor blades up my spine. Dig your nails into the ass of 'Sunshine VIP' and FEEL IT. Yup...she's a keeper...

Brooklyn B-Boys Blues Control don't need no nod and wink from yours twooly, but what the fuck? Let's do it anyways...All their cassettes jams (esp. the one on Fuck It) were sheer grace. Like watching Mike Post jam out in a Parisian cave. Can't wait to see what happens on the real deal full lengths coming out on Holy Mountain and Woodsist. Dig in and let's see what the Red and the Black has for us in the ought seven...


Like I stated in the post prior to this one, this is the first year in my life where I've ever felt conciously bitter and bored with music, even though there's been so much that's sent my heart a twitter. From Home Blitz to Violent Students to the re-issue of Jackie Mittoo's 'Wishbone' to all that output on Hot Flush and DMZ. Fucked Up sent my mind into too many inner debates regarding the idea of song as a celebration of oppression or spirtual arrival. But then the idea of abuncha maries slapping each other with their purses to 'Negative Approach' creeps into my head and I wanna move to a cave with nothing but a copy of 'Younger Than Yesterday'. I guess all I gotta do is never leave the house in '07 and have all my records and information delivered to me by small Peruvian boys and I'll be AOK. Anyone know any small Peruvian boys???

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2006/12/tony_rettmans_t.html#more

http://www.ecstaticpeace.com/2006poll.php

Oh yeah, go over and look at this kids' deal...I like his steeze...

http://atwarwithmetal.blogspot.com/

And take a look at this friggin' rapist...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sixorgans/331158526/

MERRY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!

SHIT FROM A NEW YEARS NOTEBOOK -- AKA -- A FOOT WITH A MATCHING BULLET Above -- Group shot from the 200LBU Holidaze partee -- BACK ROW --(From left to right --Annonymous member of Satanic Witchery, Annonymous staff member of Dusted, Meadowlark Lemon, Devandra Banhart and annoymous 'guest' of Mr. Banhart FRONT ROW -- (From left to right -- Jimmy Pursey, 200LBU editor-in-chief Coach Smothers and 200LBU co-editor Tonya Loiterminn.

For some godforsaken reason, I’ve taken to ingesting the extract of watermelon seeds every few nights this week. While under the influence of that sweet, sweet shit, I‘ve taken notes in a ‘year end‘ fashion. It’s all a buncha hooey. A blur of Crisco and Rolex and all that kinda stuff. Take from it what you can…


Call off your dogs, I got nothing to tell you. Nothing more than what I’ve ever told you in a million other ways, being the whore that I am. New noisy punk dudes, kids in warm-up suits around South London, moldy favorites found under the bed…it’s all still news to me. Seems strange the first year I’ve actually felt bitter and bored with music is the same year I’m so blown away by most of what I hear. Let’s just say crowds give me gas and if you ever want to just come over and jam records, I’m down. It’s gotta be better than watching a thousand shlongs wag in motion, licking each other to the beat of acceptance.

I think Dolman said it a month or so back, but 2006 was certainly the return of the weird, cool idea of actually pressing up a few hundred singles of yourself and selling them. Sounds kewky , don’t it? There was the Home Blitz shit, The Jacks, Homostupids, Armas Huutamo, Velveeta Heartbreak, Sex Vid, the Religious Knives one, the list literally goes on and on. Some of them were great initially, until their veneer of intrigue was wiped away when you learned the artist posted on a message board twenty times a day and had a webcam. Mystery has been replaced with an unneeded knowledge of everything it seems. Not to sound like a blue hair with a cane underneath my armpit, but think about if The Misfits, Throbbing Gristle or Combat Stance Fanzine had the interweb in the day and time they existed. Would it have worked? Could they maintain that much of an image while telling you every time they took a crap? I’m sure brighter people than I have debated this issue, figured out the problem and then both ate and scored with Bernadette Peters and Shirley McClaine. Good for them. For now I beat on a rock and rock the seven inch jams of the year. Ain’t gonna make a list though…didn’t I already sorta do that up there? Leave that shit to the others. All I gotta say is these singles gave me a good amount of exercise running to and fro the turntable and that’ll add a year onto my life. Fucking great…


Jack off with pride in the year 2007 if you scored a copy of ‘For Sada Jane’. I’ve been watching the clock for awhile now and the arms keep moving real fast. I keep the thought of movement constantly in my mind. Stumbling is movement. Falling flat on your face is movement. Pushing the two actions together and holding them together with spit and chewing gum and keeping them intact is the job of the Markers. Anyone who has been watching for this whole time will tell you this is where the wormhole has been leading. ‘Shabbetai Tzevi/1666’ is a stoned gem that burns. Up and over, over and out…give me the time and I’ll tell you everything I heard from a twelve year old last week.

I THINK THE SOLE REASON COMPUTERS WERE INVENTED WAS SO WE COULD ALL WATCH THIS 1ST VIDEO...OH YEAH, THE REST OF 'EM ARE GOOD TOO...

I GUESS FAIRIES DO WEAR BOOTS...

I'M BACK SLEEPING OR FARTING OR SOMETHING (ALL YOU EMO KIDS WHO GOT THAT REFERENCE, TRADE ME THE NOT FOR THE LACK OF TRYING DEMO ASAP) Do you know how many times I've gotten this far? Went to the 'create post' screen, picked out some silly photo, threw it up there and just stopped. Didn't even get as far as staring into a blank screen. It seemed almost immediatly I would think "This is fucking pointless...how is this going to get me money, drugs or pussy?" It was then I 'd retire to my bucket of Crown Fried Chicken and wallow in a pool of poultry grease and self loathing. But it was fun while it lasted...call me sick, call me twisted (just don't call me late for dinner!) but there's something really beautiful and therapuetic in the act of renting bad movies and chronic scratching. Some told me I was crossing over into real 'Carl' territory for awhile there, but I think I'm back for now. It wasn't all totally pointless....The local Crown gave me a free bucket of chicken for that endoresement a few sentences back, so that's cool...

So what have I been listening to inbetween repeated watchings of 'Little Man' and walks to the store to get smokes? Let's go through this pile on the floor and take a look.... Although every fucking promotional blurb for this new 'Best Of/Retrospective' Josef K thing (entitled 'Entomology') would make the average blood pumper wanna wretch a pretty stream of blue ('For Fans of Franz Ferdinand') you can't deny the jams still sound real good. Shit man, do you remember when you could enjoy a good herky-jerky limey beat without some college grad mentioning some new school group of aqua net users? Those were good times...But one keen earfull of these Scots is all I need to watch the goggle glassed throngs blast away on a cloud of fart dust kicked up by whatever 'free folk' unit they're hyping this week. See you on the pages of Pitchfork assholes! You get all the gloomy hits from the Postcard releases (It's Kinda Funny', 'Forever Drone' ,and my personal fave, 'Heart of Song') and a throng of tunes from the always rumoured, never hoid 'rejecteted' 'Sorry For Laughing' lp. Tacked onto the end is their last Peel Session, which yields a confusing cover of Alice Coopers' 'Applebush' that makes me love these sad widdle boys that much more. I can't really remember any other re-issues that came out this year (I guess I'm still having some 'Carl' moments at this date) so for now, I'll say this is my 're-issue of the year' and be done with it and wait for Domino to send me a bucket of flan for this endoresement.

My boys in Philadelphia, Violent Students, have just done up a brand new spankin' CD-EP on their own Richie Records named 'Street Banger' and I encourage the purchase of it for the simple reason they hold compromising photos of me weeping in a pair of tighty whities while a copy of 'Tapestry' can be seen vividly spinning in the background. I love these boys so much, that I will personally make sure their long awaited opus 'Towelhead' will see release before the end of the year on a label that does packaging that looks strangely like this 'Street Banger' CD. Hmmm.... http://www.testostertunes.blogspot.com/

Also based outta Philly is that there Meg Baird who you might know from the Espers band. Her solo two song single goes by too damn quick for it's own good as far as this ole fat bottomed squirrel's opinion goes. The cover of my favorite Fraser and Debolt song is like some weird message from a satelite that runs on fried food and Yuengling that this thing had to have a home here in Classon Castle. Apparently, this single should be treated as some sorta 'teaser' to the upcoming full length to be released by Meg in the new year. Consider me teased. Hopefully filthy Tonya Vodges still has some floating around his Tequila Sunrise fortress. Contact the ole boy here and find out -- http://www.tequilasunriserecords.com/

A few months ago, in a fog of double chins and wooded wangs, someone handed me a personalized package of sounds that I thought was real sweet. The look and feel of the object just shreiked care, and I was touched. That was until I threw the thing into the disc player. After listening to it, I felt 'touched' in a different way. Since I'm the type who showers in a wetsuit, I can't really point to the spot on the doll where I feel 'touched', but trust me, it's there. Did I hear someone go to the bathroom? Did someone just half assly quote 'All Cried Out' by Lisa Lisa? Why are a bunch of crazy bitches telling random bad jokes on top of one another? ..And it begins again. The CD-R is question is 'The Lexie Mountain Boys Play Sexy Fountain Music' by the Lexie Mountain Boys and it can be obtained at -- meetamountain@gmail.com

I can't help but look at the cover of this Never Healed 12" and think it looks like the soundtrack for 'The Blair Witch Project III -- The Search for Curley's Release demo', but I gotta say the thing kicks ass. Imagine if Rorschach drank and fucked more and listened to Motorhead instead of Slayer. This group of Northern Cali kids get the goat moving when all it wants to do is eat cans. Apparently a fuckload of these were damaged when someone told Frich Slappendorf (CEO of Parts Unknown, the label that released this album) there was a copy of the Pratt lp hidden somewhere in the shipping. So you know what that means...limited supplies of modern Hardcore at rock bottom prices on eBay! Ha-cha! Whoever scores me one of those Never Healed/Violent Minds split singles first will get constant mentions in my writings for years to come! No flan required! Just score me that record! For now, send your money to Parts Unknown and Crazy Jay will send you a copy in the next year or so -- http://www.partsunknownrecords.com/

Alright, that's more than enough. Hopefully I'll come back before the year is out and talk about the Skream lp and other shitte. For now, to join in with the big boys in webtastic functions, please take part in 200LBU's 'Best of '06' polls. Post your ballots in the comments section. Tanx!

BEST TELEVISION SPECIAL OF 2006 -- A) Scott Walker and Clay Aiken -- A Mother and Son Reunion Live From New York B) 'A Very John Allen Christmas' Christmas Special C) 'American Pioneers of the 20th Century -- Sid Sludge'

>BEST BAND OF 2006 -- A) The Sandpipers B) The Byrds C) Fucked Up

> BEST SHOW OF 2006 -- A) Two dudes at bar during Magik Markers set at Northsix B) Max Eisenberg appearence at Bernstein/Miller wedding C) Dancefloor inbetween XO4 and Blues Control last Friday night

BEST RECORD COVER OF 2006 -- A) Donna Roitminn - 'Harshing My Mellotron' B) Mouthus - 'I Trust My Cock, Etc. (i.e. -- Balls)' C) Lambsbread - 'Water Damage'

If you have any other 'honorable mentions' for 2006 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE submit them (to me) P.S. -- Co - written by the beloved Grimace...

TOM LAX ISN'T THE ONLY BLOGGER WHO CAN EXPLOIT HIS PAST! -- 200LBU # 1 10th ANNIVERSARY RE-PRINTS AVAILABLE....READ BELOW....
Ten years ago, Nick Forte and I were just like these two random youngster douches I just stole from the internet. Ski-capped, high as hell and, most importantly, bearded. We were running high on the fumes being kicked out by the Forced Exposure mail order lists and whatever Actuel we could find that week. Those was the daze... If you told me then I would be listening to more Warzone than MEV in my old age, I most likely would of crawled into a small hole and wept, but I was a total faggot back then, so whatever. Nonetheless, all the new sounds we were discovering inspired us to put together a fanzine named The 200 Pound Underground. The first issue came out 10 (fuck!) years ago this month. K-wazy! In the past ten years, I managed to kick Nick to the curb (I'm a total dick) and squeeze out 5 (fuck!) issues by myself. Some people have shown interest in seeing those early issues, so without further a doo-doo...

I have done up a limited (100) re-print of the first issue of 200LBU. It features interviews with Brian McMahon of The Electric Eels, Eddie Flowers of Crawlspace, Mooseheart Faith as well as fiction written by the dearly departed Jim Shepard and a tour diary from New Zealand's Brother Love. There's also a review section where everyone from The Grateful Dead to The Infections to NNCK to DJ Spooky (Please, don't axe...) get much love. If you're interested in getting a copy, e-mail me at -- t rettman at hotmail dot com and we'll work it out.

Next time, I'll talk about musik...right now, I want your money...

WHERE'S THE MUTHA WHEN YOU NEED HIM? -- THE JACKS AND THE RETURN OF 'SHORE CORE'


When I was just a mere nipper of a napper, my family and I used to take yearly vacations down to the Jersey Shore. Most of the time they were pretty uneventful visits. My older sisters would get drunk and try to hook up with guidos from North Jersey while my parents and their friends would get drunk in our bungalows while playing cards. Which left lil old me with really nothing to do. In my sad little mind danced a bizarre (Bizarre for a twelve year old) obsession with the Beach Punkers of Southern California. Skate parks, dudes wearing leather jackets in ninety degree weather, turf wars, etc. All this stuff was implanted in there by numerous readings of my older brothers’ issues of Flipside, We Got Power, and other SoCal Punk rags. I thought that maybe, just maybe, there had to be something similar going on at the sandy terrains in our state. No such luck, shmuck. I would ride my skateboard up and down the boardwalk hoping to find one kindred soul or even someone who would beat me up for being a poser, but there was nothin’ doin’. Little did I know there was that whole Mutha scene going on somewhere near by, but even though it was close to the beach, I wouldn’t really consider any of those bands ‘Beach Punk’. Most of those guys just looked like they wanted to be in The Anti-Nowhere League and seemed pretty tame and lame at the time. If only I knew then what I know now. I’d be a proud property owner from all the copies of the Send Help single I woulda scopped up at that weird ass record store on Morley’s Pier! But I digress…



If only I had found The Jacks ‘Concrete Death’ single amongst all the musty second hand copies of ‘Nantucket Sleighride’ and Chronic Sick singles back then, I would have been psyched . In typical shitty fashion, I find it twenty something years after the fact when I can't stand on a skateboard for five seconds without crashing to the ground in an elderly heap. But I’m still psyched I found out about it. Awesome mid-tempo beach moves with hooks a plenty and a real dense though fitting recording job. And they're from the Jersey Shore man! And even though the idea of something like this in this day and age might sound abit cheesy to the bitter contingent reading this (Hello brothers!) it ain’t. Lyrics about cruising down North 35, feeling weird about trading your stick in for a job in the city, smelly book smart hippy punks, etc. Shit man, where’s Mark Chesley when you need him to put this shit out? I guess these guys are just gonna hafta reap the benefits of these swell sounds by releasing it on their own. If I coulda sandwiched these tunes in between some Symbol Six and Simpletones on the mix tape I blasted on my walkman those lonely days down the shore, it wouldn’t have been so bad. I guess for now I’ll just sandwich them in between some Agitation Free and Distance on some CDR and be happy with it. Check these cats out on their MySpace page and buy a couple copies of the single off them while you’re there. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=3451584



And while you’re still using this glorified typewriter, splooge on over to the Wounded Galaxy blogspot and check out David’s rather awesome observations on music and fun. This Canuck has got the fever and it won’t go down. http://woundedgalaxy.blogspot.com/


…And check out Jay Hinman’s newest blog-o-sphere entitled Detailed Twang, an obvious reference to everyone’s fave Brit art punk nutises The Door and The Window. I knew you couldn’t keep the Hin-mann down…http://detailedtwang.blogspot.com

So, I guess that’s about it for now…next time perhaps some musings on more gemstones of sound of an interview or just plain ole bellyaching…either way, you know you’ll love it…

I'D TELL YA...BUT YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT... Once again...So sorry for the lack of correspondence in the past few weeks. I was tieing up some loose ends with actual writing that will actually pay, so you can understand why typing away at something that will be seen by no one but the converted might go to the back burner. No offense to you old chum, old pal, old one last ticket for the ten o'clock showing of 'The Marine', but sometimes (believe it or snot) I got bigger fish to fry. Yeah...It shocks me too. Nonetheless, expect more than usual in this space in the next few weeks. Aren't you exicted? Yeah, I can feel it, man...

The other reason I haven't been floggin' at the bloggin' is that I haven't really had much scratch to spend on records these days. Been diggin' through the crates lookin' for gems of yore that put a spark under my booty after I sparked the buddah back in the daze. One gem I re-discovered was that Harsh Reality jam 'Heaven & Hell'. I remember checking this out due to some parakeet like dude telling me it had some sorta Sensational Alex Harvey Band connection. After much research (Pre-internetting, fools) I found it in fact didn't have any connection to SAHB and felt somewhat roked, but once I started to jam the platter, I felt an immediate connection. A good feelin' to know. The tracks are sorta all over the place in a good way. One minute you're listening to a Brit blues jammer, the next some sorta melancholy Procul Harum shit and before you know it, one track will sound like it should be off of 'Mr. Fantasy'. Not to say this is all some second tier compilation record of British Rock of the 60's...no sir. Just giving you an easy understanding of what you're getting into. That's my job. My non-paying, self-assigned job. Yeesh. Just lettin' you know it's a good one to discover again or discover right now. As far as I know, even the CD re-issue of this is OOP, so hopefully you can find it used somewhere. If you wanna an OG vinyl copy of it, prepare to chop off a limb or a relatives'. I guess you can get it at one of those new fangled 'file sharing' sites the yobs all talk about. I'm too much of a stinkin' hippy to do such things.

I sure did see that 'American Hardcore' film. I sure did...I sure as hell did...What? My opinion? Um...it has YDI footage...that it sure did...hmm...I wish they interviewed more women than coatracks...It's easy to wipe your hands clean after 1986. Harley rules. MDC are talked about for 15 minutes and the beginning of their portion starts off like 'Star Wars'. What the hell is that? These guys had one good record...if that. Pfft. See...you got my blood angered up. Did I tell you there was YDI footage?

I interviewed Princeton prodigy Daniel DiMaggio (AKA Home Blitz) for Uncle Eddie Flowers' truly happenin' Slippy Town Times website. Check it out here -- http://www.slippytown.com/2homeb.htm Yes, that is right...I'm real lazy.



Sometime in the next week, either here or on the FMU site, they'll be more writing. Most likely about Fucked Up making the record of the year (Did I stutter?) The re-emergence of shore core with The Jacks, The two most recent cassettes by Car Commercials, and how I have convinced more than one person that one of my heroes is a rapist. Keep on sploogin'...

P.S. -- I forgot to mention I have finally gone totally helmo and started a MySpace page...Will you be a froid on MySpace? Will you let me meet you on MySpace? Will you let me show you some lame ass picture I took of myself in the mirror on MySpace? Will you find me in the toilet on MySpace? Will you suckle at the teet of Fritz on MySapce? Will you read me your life storyon MySpace? If so, get with me here...uh...um...'friend'....(I wanna die) http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=117065918

THE BIBLE OF THE STREETS TELLS ME I'M ALWAYS RIGHT WHEN I LISP
The sound of urine hitting the bottom of a trash can is a normal occurrence in my nape of the neck, but sometimes it’s special. The other night I was out on the roof when I heard that usual gentle gushin’. I looked down to see if maybe I was missing some sorta watersportical hooker moves, when lo and behold, it was none other than Zachary Davis from that infamous Ohio improv crap rock band Lambsbread. Zac was scoring this new heroin/Gatorade hybrid drug on my corner and just decided to take a wee. How quaint! He tolds me they was in the area to both score drugs and play down at that wine cellar known as Tonic. He said I could get a ride with them if I promised to play ‘The Cinderblock Game’ on the ride there. Just then a chunk of wax the size of Bea Arthur’s clit fell out of my ear and I knew I was in for serious bidnit. The ride to Tonic found me chucking the cinderblock at this one cat with a blue bandana hanging out of his right pocket. Fucked him up bad. I came this close to spilling my mudslide down the front of my M. Ward t-shirt when we finally hit the Tonic. Outside were all these kids who were turned away from the Harley’s War show at CBGB’s. They all had on leg warmers and were jaggin’ to the beat of ‘We Gotta Know’. Fuckin’ total Nicole Ritchie shit. I was in their heads bouncing off their brains and they didn’t even know it. Blah.


As my hands started to swell back to their normal size, I had this weird flashback to a time I never had as a child. Riding bikes down a barren suburban road with a blonde haired girl. There was a chill in the air and some sorta (Jesus Christ) hint of hope riding through the electricity in the spokes. There’s just one thing…I never learned to ride a bike. Damn you Daniel DiMaggio! As you know since you’re such a hip motherfucker, Daniel is this kid outta Princeton, New Jersey who records under the moniker of Home Blitz. He put out this three song 7” earlier this year that sent many old men into heart attack mode. I was no exception in the situation, except for the fact I am not THAT old yet…dammit. He just pooped out another one entitled ‘Live Outside’ and where the first one brought jumbled visions of too many pixie sticks and not enough ass ointment into my preverbal ‘mind’, this one gets me all wistful and makes me wish I hadda window to stare out of that wasn’t caked with dust and splatterings of Taco Bell Fire Sauce. Gives me some sorta flashback to innocence I suppose…remember that shit? Yeesh…Maybe you won’t get so fruity when you listen to this and treat it as an actual frickin’ object. Get at Daniel and he’ll hook you up http://www.myspace.com/homeblitz

So back at the club, Lambsbread hear the news that Britney Lohan had her second kid and they burn a dumpster fulla weed in celebration. No wait…I meant to say they burned a dumpster fulla homeless people in celebration. Either way, it’s awesome. Afterwords, they decide to play and burn on fumes of utter nothingness with contempt that’s got some expectation in it’s corners. I remember this time when I was a dumb ass kid and I took too many of these pills that Rosenburg nicked outta his Dads’ medicide cabinet. His Pops had some sorta back problem and these things were supposed to help it abit. All it did was make me wanna run up and down the street yelling ’Senior Week!’ I then felt like I was gonna shit my pants, but I was still happy to be alive. This is how Lambsbread make me feel. I know they would be so proud. Ten minutes is all you need of their blowout and you feel fucked. I wish that was how long my whole ‘trying not to shit my pants/running down the streets of Newtown’ episode went on for. Sadly, it went on for awhile and we missed going to see Unwound because of it. I guess I did us all a favor…Hi-Oh!
Lambsbread got shit’s coming out on Parts Unknown, Ecstatic Peace! and ninety million other labels ‘cause niggas wanna piece of the flavor. You want a piece too, dontcha? Too bad…go back to your studio apartment you faggot ass! Things will never be the same ‘cause you never treated people right! At least that’s what someone told me… mmnddsfgr@yahoo.com if you wanna get with the ‘Bread.
I really got nothing else to tell you. Why don’t you tell me something? That would be interesting…

THE MAN PICTURED BELOW IS A RAPIST -- AN INTERVIEW WITH THE HOMOSTUPIDS

Day in and day out, my mailbox brims with utter crap that I have no use for. Letters telling me what I owe (Good luck getting it, dipshit) and what I need. Those manila enveloped, official looking jobbies that are merely ploys to join some white slavery ring organized by non-profit groups posing as white slavery rings….you know the drill. And then there are those mountains of garbage promo CD’s that can make a good man go bad. How Brian Turner and people of his ilk don’t go up to the nearest bell tower and start picking people off with a high powered rifle while uttering ’So many Jade Tree promos…So many Jade Tree promos’ is beyond me.



But, every once in awhile, a surprise comes in the mailbox that makes it worth putting on pants and leaving the house at dusk. One such surprise is a three song 7” recently released by a group outta Cleveland named The Homostupids. As soon as I opened the anonymous packaging and saw the name of the band and the cover of the single (A real dumbo drawing of a skull with a thunderbolt slashing through it) I was smitten as shit. It was almost like I didn’t have to listen to it! Thank God I did. In this past year, witnessing the utter brutality of units like Philly’s Violent Students and Pissed Jeans, Ohio’s Lambsbread, etc. has given me a giddy spark that the fucked up kids who love The Cro-Mags AND The Brainbombs AND The Dead C. AND Keith Hudson will finally have their say. Throw The Homostupids in that mix of kids. Recorded in the red and out the door, this single has a dunderheaded mean spiritedness that sucks in all the above mentioned sound burglars and shits it out totally splatter effect stylee. You could do no worse than to go to their MySpace page and pick up one or two or the entire pressing. Go to -- http://www.myspace.com/homostupids and shit’ll be sorted.




The following is an interview I conducted here at the 200LBU offices with one Steven Peffer, who claimed to the bass player in The Homostupids. As of ’press’ time, we have no proof. But if you could see the dent he left in our supply of Wild Turkey and all the blood he left on our collection of Bad Brains bootlegs, there’d be no doubt in your mind that this guy was both homosexual AND stupid…read on….




200LBU --Have you seen my pipe?
Steven Peffer :What do you mean? What kind of question is that?
200LBU --Never mind…How and when did you start jamming? Were there any other bands y'all were in prior to the Homostupids? How did you homos get to know one another?
Steven Peffer: Maybe a year and a half ago, I had an idea for a band I wanted. Simple repetitive bass lines under thin wanking guitar with simple song structure. I did a 4 track thing and enlisted some help from a friend or two. It came out good, but not what I was shooting for with an actual band idea. That recording will be titled “The Brutal Birthday" e.p. and it will be released as a 7” on Richie Records out of Philadelphia. Anyway, I found 2 dudes I didn't know before hand through just asking around over and over. That's Dale and Josh. They're great and the sound I had in my head kinda morphed into the 3 of us playing whatever it is we're playing, which I guess is very close to what I hoped for. I was listening to the Dwarves "Blood Guts and Pussy" album, The Grabbies and Supercharger. That was kinda the inspiration. I guess that's not a clear answer to your question right?
200LBU --Not even close, but who cares? Where exactly do you live in Ohio? Do you play out a lot?
S.P: We live in Cleveland and I like it here. It’s cheap. Food is cheap and rent is cheap and girls here have nice round full breasts. They don't come to see us though. I don't know what the reaction is. it's hard to gauge something like that I think. People tend to be drunk and dishonest, so I don't know and don't care too much. We just keep to ourselves and play once every other month or so. No other bands here play similar sounding music to us it seems, which me thinks good.
200LBU--If you could back in time to see any band perform live, who would it be and why?
J.P: Maybe when Metallica first got Newsted in the band and they would play secret club gigs as Vertigo. That would be cool! Share a small stage with Kirk and the boys!
200LBU--Yeah, I’m sure Kirk would love sharing a small stage with some boys. Are there any bands around now that you feel some sorta kinship with?
S.P : I don't want to say "kinship" but I like very much The Clockcleaner and Out With A Bang from Italy, also Shoot It Up from California is very good music makers. I like Cococoma from Chicago very much. Who else is good for me? Let's see... Throbbin Urges have an LP on Dead Beat that is over the top and right to the point and loudy too. I like that.
200LBU--How did you become pals with them there Violent Students?
S.P: Well, John jr. is the drummer I think, right? He moved to Cleveland for like 2 years and we were roommates. So I've known him well and good for like 5 years or so. I think he's the one who got me mixing tuna in with macaroni and cheese, which I still do. So he's my ‘in’ with that band. Richie, the basser in VS is a buddy of John Jr. so I know him through him and so on. They are nice dudes and have helped our band quite a bit whether they know it or not. I don't know what Richie's diet is like, but John Jr. doesn't seem to eat as much meat these days. I like the stuff and usually in the summertime I don't eat much meat. The heat limits my appetite, but this year red meat has been on the menu every week just about. Meatball sandwiches, kielbasa, bratwurst, salami, Lebanese bologna. all that shit.
?#6--Um…O.K. So, what are the future plans of Homostupids? Shows? Records?
S.P: Not much I think. We're recording an LP this weekend so we'll see how that goes. We play in town like I said, about once every other month. We have some out of town stuff lined up but we're limited to what we can do. Josh has a wife and a daughter and we don't have much money or reliable transportation. Also, we don’t have much motivation to go out of town and suck each other off or whatever.
200LBU--Again…‘Um, OK…‘ So, who is going to put out this LP? How many tunes will it be?
S.P.: It's kinda up in the air as to who's gonna release it right now. I'd like it to be on both vinyl and disc at the same time, so whoever can do that and pay for the recording wins!! I think it'll be like 10 songs… maybe 12. It depends how many come out the way we like. We'll record 15 songs total though, all live. My friend Paul just built a lovely very accommodating studio and has a large tile bathroom that we will set up in. we'll see how it goes. Blown out I hope.
200LBU--How did you come up with that rad ass name?
S.P: My first year outta high school, I started listening to alot of high energy garage stuff. My friend Stephe and I would eat some acid and for the first wave of it, the speed would slowly ride up. So, during this part we'd jam out Supercharger and The Mummies and shit like that. Jump up and down and sweat, then the mellow paranoid part would come in and outside we'd go. Then, the speed would come back when the mellow washed away and then hell crept in. So, while on the initial speed rush we brainstormed our high energy slop-o stupid as shit inept garage band and it'd be called the Homostupids. There you go. This was 9 years ago. We had one practice and that was it. I folded up the name and kept it in my pocket until I needed it again.
200LBU--Let’s do some word association….Jackson Browne…
S.P:Rapist.
200LBU--Necros
S.P.: Overrated
200LBU--Wait a second..You think the Necros are overrated?
S.P: They are pretty good I guess. I just don't think they are as special as people make them out to be. Don't get me wrong though, they are better than most Ohio Hardcore bands from that time I guess? Better that Articles of Faith... YUK! Lyrically and musically they seem kinda Hardcore by the numbers, that is Necros not AOF. AOF is just plain g-a-y.
200LBU--AOF were from Chicago, but I guess we’ll just skip that…back to the word association…Bella Donna…
S.P: Injun
200LBU-Painkillers…
S.P: Penis
200LBU --Fucked Up…
S.P: Canada
200LBU -- DubStep
S.P: Kit Kat
200LBU -- Neil Young
S.P:Danny Whitten
200LBU: And finally…Max Milgram?
S.P : Penis penis.
200LBU: Very good…end transmission.

I CAN DEAL WITH CHICKS SINGING AND THAT'S ABOUT IT -- PART ONE

A few months back, Jay Hinman called me his bro-in-arms or something regarding our love for the girlie sounds. He wrote something about him and me being the only ‘dorks’ that care. DORKS? Sir, we are not dorks! I’ll tell you who a dork is! A dork is someone who weeps when their CDR limited to 5 gets hosed down by a D.J. just trying to show a crowd abit of fun. A dork is someone who discovered the Circle Jerks last year and then wants to debate on the proper way to mosh during Hair Police. A dork is anyone who writes an eight hundred word review on anything musical. But most of all, a dork is anyone who doesn’t have virtual air conditioning rushing through the cracks in their toes when they hear something as vital and alive as Twinkle’s ‘What Am I Doing Here With You?’ or anything off of ‘Dusty in London’.


Like most things, I don’t consider myself some sorta ’real life’ expert on these sounds. The reason for this could be because of my humble, self-deprecating demeanor. Or it could be because I fear a nation of cardigan sporting dudes who live in their moms’ basements telling me my girl group tastes are ‘pedestrian at best’. Nonetheless, I know what I like’s and that’s all there is to it. On these past days of absolute swelter in the shelter, I cranked up the A.C. as high as it could go, put on my beehive wig and white lipstick and jammed the jams that make women swoon, men shudder and take cattle off their feed. Here’s a sampling --

Dusty Springfield - ‘I Start Counting’
Sort of a cheese bag fusion-like intro kicks this lush one off and then that voice that could sooth the harshest of sun blisters kicks in and makes me wish I had some sorta consistent hook-up on pills that make everything look like a scene outta ‘Casino Royale’. I could never go into the technicality of the actual sounds created here…I’m too much a dolt on that front. All I know is this lady’s voice has made my life seem not so shitty from the deserts of New Mexico to the grey tinged streets of Bed-Stuy. I’ve lifted many a gin and tonic in my living room on a lonely night to her. Maybe you should do the same…just make sure no one’s around.

Val McKenna - ‘House for Sale’
Like I stated above, I don’t claim to be some know-it-all on this shit. Most of my ‘knowledge’ of it comes off the beyond excellent ‘Dream Babes’ compilations that the ever lovin’ RPM label has been shooting out over the past few years. All I know is Val busted out some singles in the mid-60’s with James Page on them that are quite stellar. This one isn’t as dreamy as some of the other jams that’ll be listed. Even though it’s got kind of a sad vibe to it, this tune’s gotta hip movin’ feel about it that might get you either sympathy sex or two minutes on the dance floor with an actual girl. The decision is up to you.


The Caravelles - ’Hey Mama You’ve Been On My Mind’
Another one off a ’Dream Babes’ comp (Volume Five) that’s like a gush of strong sea air rushing through my constantly retreating hairline. Total limey Spector worship done by two London office girls that went by the names Lois Lane (!) and Andrea Simpson. This track mixed with a little weed, and a little a.c. will make you feel like you’re in heaven…or at least in someone else’s living room.


The Supremes - ‘I Wish I Was Your Mirror’
I don’t care what anyone sez…the Ross-free era of The Supremes is staggering. The whole record this one comes off of (‘New Ways But Love Stays’) is a blurring trip of good vibes. It could be World War Three outside while this song is on and I’d still be all smiles. Have you ever seen me smile? It’s quite an occurrence when it happens….trust me.


Twinkle - ‘Take Me To The Dance’
Hinman wasn’t too impressed with ole Twinkie, but I think she’s the Brit girl shit. Most of her self penned tunes are heart string pullers about boy pals dying in motorcycle crashes and the like, but ‘Take Me To The Dance’ is a groover about nothing but the simple joys of being out and about with a person whose company you can tolerate for more than five minutes. I wish I could find that sorta bliss…

Abit ‘cut-off’ I agree, but I got more writing to do, hairs to be cut, rooms to be cleaned, and Odyssey records to listen to. If you’re in the Brooklyn area tomorrow (8/5) come on down to the Hook in Red Hook. Monotract is having a party for the release of their CD on Ecstatic Peace, ‘Xprmntl Lvrs’. So far, it’s one of my favorite things I’ve heard all year. It makes my hips move like rubber wheels and I can’t say that about much else out there. You’ll also get the chance to check out Magik Markers, Mouthus and the NY premiere of Canada’s Panopiticon Eyelids, another thing that’s sure to turn your socks to shit. DJ’s will be DJ Beard, DJ Gray and DJ Gaye. See you there…

THERE ARE SO MANY REASONS TO LIVE...AND DIE...AND EAT...AND TO DIE AGAIN...
I could care less. You’re all fools. I can’t wait to see you fall..and Winter…and Spring! This weather sucks. I swear I saw the devil in the living room last night. The following tunes cools me...



THE COOLER CRIT TOP 18
Esther Williams - ‘Last Night Changed It All’
Homostupids - ‘Caveman’
Still Life - ‘October Witches’
Violent Minds - ‘Hit List’
Carl Carlton - ‘I Won’t Let That Chump Break Your Heart’
Awesome Color - ‘Ridin’
Burial - ‘Distant Lights’
Velveeta Heartbreak - ‘I Shot The Invisible Man’
Monotract - ‘Projectus’
El-B featuring Juiceman - ‘Buck & Bury’
Jimmy Pursey - ‘One Night in Paris’
Digital Mystikz - ‘Ancient Memories’ (remix by Skream)
10CC - ‘Headline Hustler’
Geeneus - ‘Congo’
Funeral Shock - ‘Dead Scene$ter’
Dusty Springfield - ‘Bad Case of the Blues’
T.U.M.E - ‘Love Shortage’
My Own Hands - ‘The Sound of You Slowly Dying’



Now go enjoy a nice bit of crack and read

THIS

. It’s all you really need. Whether you like it or not, you pathetic trend-hopping loser. See you down at the Tonic!
P.S. -- Do I need to leave an emoticon to show the sarcasm in that comment?

WOULD YOU TRUST THIS MAN WITH YOUR OSCAR? I DIDN'T THINK SO... Above -- Ben Chasny relaxs in the backyard of famous Pornstar Seymore Butts before shooting his cameo for 'Sex Organs Of Admittance -- Get Your Freak Folk On...'



I look around at the piles of dirty socks and empty boxes of smokes on the floor. The other half of the double bed is a pile of old fanzines and mustard bottles. About twenty times a day I think I should get my act together and become an actual fucking adult. But just when the upstanding gentleman in me starts to take over, the phone rings and some sorta codger is yapping down the line to me about his dogs’ eating habits and tales of amps being traded for dope money and I sit there in rapt attention while ants crawl out of my laptop. I know I sound like a broken record, but I gotta say it’s a sad though interesting existence. People are nice enough to send records and they just sit there while piles of Dubstep 12”s’ are purchased and ‘Blue Letter’ gets played over and over again. But I took the time to listen to this Velveeta Heartbreak single that came in the post the other day. The A Side is a good enough lo-fi faux glam rave-up. This Michael Bowman character (A.K.A. The V.H.) is most likely some sorta Pop prince, so he might not understand I’m praising him when I say the riff that drives this track sounds like a leftover from ‘Rock ‘N’ Roll All Over’. But I’m praising you man…trust me. The B Side is a sorta sappy piano jam about the death of a Wilson brother that kinda mad me uncomfortable in the same way a weeping man on the corner does. Yikes. Nonetheless, ‘E’ for effort and all that. Get a copy at -- velveetaheartbreak@yahoo.com




Zac ‘Mild’ Davis unloaded a crapload of stuff on his Maim & Disfigure label on me awhile back and I never talked about it. I’m a dick and many people can attest to this. The majority of it was stuff by his bombastic Blast!-meets-Blue Humans power trio Lambsbread and all that shit kills, no doubt. But my fave amongst the lot was a solo jam from Zac that he calls Sky Juice. The CDR he passed off was entitled ‘Live At Brokeback Bridge’ and it’s a disorienting, low budget stew of Melvins riffage, loner/stoner folk and basic fuckedness. The boys’ not right and that’s why I think I might have had some drunken one night stand in Ohio when I was 10. It coulda happened! But one look at the handsome laddie will tell ya I had no hand in the doing of his making. Wait..wasn’t I supposed to be talking about a CDR or something? Oh yeah, so this Sky Juice jam, like all the Lambsbread jams, is available through Maim & Disfigure. Give Zac some time to recharge and have some juice and he’ll send out your shit post haste.



Alotta man bitches like to talk shit, but then they realize ‘Gilmore Girls’ is off the air and they tie their shoes. Those types won’t be diggin’ the roar of this Violent Minds CD recently released on the Parts Unknown label. This sucker collects both the 7”s’ they released in 2004 and a cut off the ’Town of Hardcore’ 7” comp from the same time. All eight minutes of it bring to mind The Abused, Blitz, Negative Approach and Court Martial. Can you ask for more? Well, in the next month or so their full length entitled ’Eyes of Death’ will be out. Is that enough? How about this quote about V.M. from Don Rettman himself?. -- ’I guess Pig Champion didn’t die in vain!’ What else do you want? RIOT! RIOT! 1200 Pound Gorilla approved. www.partsunkownrecords.com



Can anyone get enough Afternoon Penis? I for one cannot. I can take it anytime, anywhere. A new A.P. jam entitled ‘Up All Night’ is out on the Our Mouth imprint and it’s a ramshackle, raw percussion jam for all those who enjoy long toilet breaks and giving out cigarettes. Lotsa hip shakin’ homemade beats rise outta all the whining feedback and make me night dream about Nasty Nate doing a collabo with either Skream or Mick Fleetwood. I’m still not sure yet. Get your copy from the Fusetron empire or from Nate directly at fungalorigin@hotmail.com




There’s tons of other stuff that gives me a charge these days, but it sure ain’t music. Sleeping in my own filth, drinking Blue Moons, plotting revenge, staring at walls…these are the things that fuel me to occasionally lift a lip. Oh yeah, there’s also both of those Digital Mystikz 12”s’ that just came out on Soul Jazz. Buy that shit if you’re not too much of a mouth breather. If I only I could find a publication to fund my trip to South London to see this team in action so’s I could lose control of my ‘number two’ functions in the most dignified way possible. I’m sure with the right sound system, this shit makes Deathpile sound like Juan Denver in comparison. Why am I such a jerk? Because I’m fat, bitter and never been loved. I thought you knew that already.. Get both these twelves from Forced Exposure and tell ‘em no one sent you.



Next time, they might be an interview with a mystery guest….there might be more reviews…there might be more pathetic bellyaching…Hey, who knows? I’m not in control here. See you on the corner of 7th and A….

IMAGES SPEAK LOUDER THAN MY TURD WORDS... OR...MY LIFE SINCE BEKI BONDAGE








200LBU endorses all the above. Run out and consume. Or read a book or smack a bitch or something constructive. Happy burfday AmeriKKKa! -- EL STINKO.

MAX MILGRAM SEZ AND I OBEY...SIMPLE AS THAT...

Last night, Max Milgram (vocalist for the always ready-to-ruck Violent Students) flew into my window in the form of Beki Bondage (above) and told me to tell ‘the kids’ about this show. You’re pretty much gonna get to see three of the best bands rollin’ right now for FREE! Is it worth the trip? You betcha! Will I be there? Well..if I didn’t have to take care of my World Cup Fever…maybe…but I got a serious case. But don’t let that stop you from going…it’s gonna be a corker!

Magik Markers Lambsbread Violent Students June 18 2 PM free! Tequila Sunrise Records 525 W Girard Ave Philadelphia PA www.tequilasunriserecords.com


Also, for all you floppy haired Brooklynites, Pissed Jeans will be playing for FREE outside of OfficeOps this Saturday at 4 PM. As some of you know, these guys are the flakiest of the flakes, so a live show is a rare occasion. Go there and get your Sup Pop single auto-mo-graphed! Office Ops is at 57 Thames St. in Williamsburg.


‘You should really sit down and listen to ‘Tusk’ in it’s entirety one day, you pussy….